Category: Divorce

Five More Ways to Lose Your Divorce

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Wednesday, June 12, 2013.

Anyone can tell you how to win your divorce. Few people ever tell you what not to do . . . until it’s too late. This could leave you wishing someone had warned you beforehand. So, if you want to learn 5 MORE ways to lose a divorce, pay attention.

6. Hire that mean lawyer you heard about

Run-of-the-mill divorces are boring. But everyone loves a good fight! Retaining the most litigious attorney in town will ensure that you will spend a lot of time contesting even the smallest and insignificant issues, and alot of money too.

Better still, once you’ve taken the gloves off, you’re guaranteed to get an equally aggressive response. Judges love it. What would you rather do, cheer on a couple of fighting lawyers, or deal with some dull legal issue?

7. Represent yourself

There is a quaint saying out there that: “the person who represents themself has a fool for a client.” Lawyers are for sissies and celebrities. I’ll let you in on a little secret: if you can divide by 2 and read, you can handle your own divorce. It’s really that easy.

8. Lie to your lawyer

There’s another old saying that: “in the middle of every client is a lie.” We expect it. And, lying to your attorney has two big advantages:

First, lying to your attorney will surprise your attorney in court, and we lawyers love to be surprised in court.

But there is another advantage: It tells your lawyer to watch out because you’re the type of client who will lie about anything. This will cause your attorney to drop your case as soon as possible, leaving your case dead in the water.

9. Lie to the judge

Let’s face it; if you want to lose, there’s really no substitute for lying to the guy or gal deciding your case. If you sprinkle a few lies in your testimony, pretty soon the judge will catch some, and start questioning everything you’ve said.

This is exactly what you want: to have the judge doubt everything about your case. Not only will you lose, you could win a free night’s stay at the Turner Guilford Knight hotel.

10. Bring the kids into it

Unfortunately, children are not parties to a divorce. That’s a shame, because kids love parties. In fact, the “Rules” require a court order to even bring your children to court. And we all know how much kids hate to be kept out of things.

So, bring the kids to court, let them read the court papers, and be sure to tell them what the other parent said about them. Involving the kids tells the judge that you will probably violate the judge’s order.

Play your cards right, and you can lose your case before you’ve uttered the first word.

Divorce to Save Taxes? The Marriage Penalty Tax

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Friday, May 31, 2013.

Being married comes with joys, sacrifices, tax penalties and . . . wait, tax penalties?

The marriage penalty is the situation where a married couple pays higher income taxes than they would have paid if they were un-married and filed individual tax returns. Should you divorce to avoid this penalty?

The new American Taxpayer Relief Act of 2012 sort of reduced the marriage penalty by making permanent the Bush-era expanded standard deduction and the expanded 15% bracket for joint filers.

But for high income earners, the new law raises taxes on couples making more than $450,000 and individuals making more than $400,000. As it turns out, some couples are discovering they could save over $25,000 a year if they divorced.

Think about that for a second. If a couple could save over $25,000 a year on their taxes, they could take a Celebrity Cruise to Italy, ski Deer Valley, put a little cash away towards Penn, and still have some mad money to spend just by divorcing and turning their marriage into a long term relationship.

There are a lot of risks though, known and unknown. I would encourage anyone – before they even thought about speaking to their spouses – to think about a few things:

  • The impact on your relationship. I don’t know of a good way to ask for a divorce: “Honey, I want a divorce. No, no wait, come back, it’s to save big bucks . . . really!”
  • There is no fake divorce. Once the court signs the final judgment of divorce, you are divorced. Once you’re divorced, your Ex may find someone who thinks marriage is more valuable than 5% adjusted gross income.
  • IRS rules regarding your filing status have something to say. IRS publication 504 warns that if you obtain a divorce just to file as unmarried with the intent to remarry the next tax year, you have to file as married individuals.
  • State law. All no-fault states have minimum requirements for getting a divorce. Florida, for instance, requires at a minimum that your marriage be irretrievably broken before you can get a divorce.

In addition, there are estate planning issues, retirement and social security complications, and many other issues besides the mere tax savings.

Most people who marry do so forever, and with the sincere intention of honoring their vows. Is the money worth it?

What is a Florida No Fault Divorce?

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Monday, May 20, 2013.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” But is no fault divorce the reason the United States has a high divorce rate? Many people think so, and want to return to the old “fault” system to promote families.

A new bill in Iowa, Iowa House File 338, would require one of five conditions for a divorce to proceed in a marriage involving children: adultery, physical or sexual abuse, imprisonment, if one spouse is missing more than a year or if the couple has lived apart for more than two years.

The bill’s author, Rep. Ted Gassman, says he will continue to push for banning no-fault divorce if minor children are involved, saying:

This basically is an attempt on my part to keep fathers in the home. I sincerely believe that the family is the foundation of this nation and this nation will go the direction of our families. If our families break up, so will this nation.

There’s a 16-year old girl in this whole mix now. Guess what? What are the possibilities of her being more promiscuous? What are the possibilities of all these other things surrounding her life that a 16-year old girl, with hormones raging, can get herself into?

Despite the attack no fault-divorce laws are under, no fault laws exist in all 50 states to make it possible for one party to get a divorce without proving any bad behavior took place, and without getting the permission of the other spouse.

Before the no-fault divorce era, people who wanted to get divorce either had to reach agreement in advance with the other spouse that the marriage was over, or throw mud at each other and prove wrongdoing like adultery or abuse.

No-fault laws are the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court. No fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom. We will have to see if Florida, like Iowa, will introduce a bill to eliminate “no-faul” divorces.

5 Ways to Lose Your Divorce

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Friday, May 17, 2013.

Who would want to lose a divorce?

It seems like a silly topic, but think about it, anyone can tell you what you should do to win your divorce. No one ever tells you what you should not do . . . until the damage is already done. This leaves you muttering afterwards, “I sure wish someone had told me that before I . . . ”

Not to worry; I’m here to warn you about some sure fire ways to lose your divorce, no matter how good your case is. if you want to waste money, look bad, or ruin any hope of a relationship with your spouse afterwards, listen up. What I’m about to tell you is the good stuff, learned over years of bitter experience.

1. Destroy Records

The first thing you want to do is get rid of all your important records. Don’t worry about papers trails. Make the attorneys subpoena them. Not only will your records be re-created, it wastes a lot time, and costs thousands of dollars.

2. Drain bank accounts

Hey, that freeloader deserves to be cut off, and closing the checking account will force him or her to run to court on an emergency basis. And that’s exactly what you want, so you can tell the judge to her face that you’re the kind of person who has no problem leaving their spouse and children penniless in the street.

3. Hide assets

This is a must. It’s not enough to merely drain the bank accounts. What you want to do at the emergency hearing is plead ignorance about why you’re broke. I recommend shrugging your shoulders when asked where everything went. Besides, you’ve already covered your tracks by destroying the records, what could possibly go wrong?

4. Cancel health insurance

Making unilateral changes never backfires, is another sure way to get hauled back into court on an emergency basis, and will definitely increase your legal fees. And what better way is there to spend your hard earned money than on your attorney?

5. Threaten

Hey, this is a divorce after all, not some mamby pamby marriage counseling session. Threatening violence will show the other side you’re not someone to be messed around with. Besides, being reasonable only leads to a quick end to the fun. If you want the flames of divorce to last, you have to stoke the fire a bit.

If you’ve done everything just right – or just wrong I should say – you’ll be receiving a final judgment finding you in contempt of court, or better yet, losing everything in an unequal distribution. Then you can kick off your shoes, pop open a cold one, and start thinking about that appeal you always wanted to file.

Are Second Marriages More Stable?

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Monday, May 13, 2013.

Rumor has it that half of marriages end in divorce. The actual number is closer to 41%. But, even that statistic is in doubt. What about second marriages? Most statistics show second marriages fail more than first.

However, one group is claiming that second marriages are less likely to end in divorce. The Marriage Foundation produced a report arguing that second marriages are more stable than first marriages.

Almost half – 45 per cent – of all couples who marry for the first time in 2013 will divorce during their lifetime. However, divorced couples who marry for the second time have only a 31% chance of their marriage ending in divorce, according to Harry Benson, Communications Director at The Marriage Foundation and author of the report.

I don’t trust this report. Then again, it’s a good idea to question all statistics.

  • First off, divorce statistics are misleading. The fact is that divorce statistics have been uneven since the National Center for Health Statistics stopped publishing detailed state divorce statistics back in 1996.
  • Second, different sub-groups have very different divorce rates. For example, couples in which both parties have college or advanced degrees are statistically less likely to divorce than couples without degrees.
  • Third, where you live plays a role. For example, Nevada has one of the highest divorce rates in the country, and New Jersey has one of the lowest. Florida is in the middle.
  • Fourth, careers are big predictors of divorce. Members of the clergy are far less likely to divorce than exotic dancers for example.
  • Fifth, are the ages of the couple at the wedding. The risk for divorce drops significantly when couples wed after the age of 25.

My conclusion: don’t get married to statistics.

Should You Date During the Divorce?

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Monday, April 29, 2013.

Are you allowed to date before your divorce is final?

Many clients want to date during their divorce. And, more and more people are creating online profiles on various dating sites, like match.com, eHarmony, and AARP Dating, to shape their image. Making an online image is great, as long as you don’t lie about it.

Let’s be realistic, everyone is guilty of wanting to make themself appear a little more attractive. Little white lies, exaggerations and deceptions in your online profile may seem innocent enough, but they can lead to big problems. I’m not talking about the generalized lie you might give to avoid being lonely: “I love poetry”, “I look 29”, “I’m skinny”. I’m talking about bigger lies that can damage your divorce case.

Exaggerations and deceptions in your online dating profile can become evidence in a divorce trial. What may seem like a harmless way to get a date when you post it, can morph into a damaging impeachment during your cross-examination. Worse still, your future date – who responds to your dating site – may be dragged into court as witness.

According to a recent survey of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 59% of respondents said they have seen an increase in the number of divorce cases using evidence taken from dating websites during the past three years. 64% of respondents have seen evidence taken specifically from Match.com. Of the type of information being taken from these sites, 57% of lawyers have seen relationship status used, followed by salary and occupation at 15% and parental status at 7%.

I advise clients to stay away from social media and dating websites until the divorce is over. In addition to the risks of your personal information being dragged into court, there is the impact dating can have on your current spouse. Flaunting a new relationship could create anger and resentment. Settling your case becomes harder, and your case will last longer and cost more.

5 Hidden Divorce Costs

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Thursday, April 25, 2013.

The costs of a divorce can be high. This is especially true if you have no idea of what to expect, or have no experience with finances.

Most people think you lose your money in divorce through alimony or child support paymets. And of course, dividing up your assets will also take a chunk. But there are other ways that divorce impacts your finances, and many people don’t think about them. Here are five of them:

Legal fees: Even if you have an amicable divorce, legal fees can be high. If you and your spouse go to court to contest an issue, the legal fees can rise quickly.

Childcare costs: Divorced parents typically need to pay for childcare, daycare or aftercare more often than they expected to because the child’s other parent is not around as much.

Taxes: Filing single, after years filing married jointly, can increase your taxes.

Retirement: Because you are single, and don’t have a partner making contributions you share, your contributions to your pension, IRA and 401(k) will usually be comparatively lower, and you may have to work longer.

Insurance: Married people don’t have to spend money on long-term care insurance because they have a partner. After a divorce, single people may need to purchase such a policy.

“Most people don’t realize the depths of what divorce can do when it comes to their finances,” Fraelich said. “It is usually a matter of much more than a loss of salary or income.”

You can read more about it in this article in the LA Times.

Divorce and the Pregnant Man

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Monday, April 1, 2013.

With all of the talk about marriage, divorce and the U.S. Supreme Court oral argument in the Defense of Marriage Act case, there is a timely decision out of Phoenix, Arizona about the Thomas Beatie divorce, a matter I blogged about a while ago. Do you remember Tom?

To recap, Tom was born Tracy Lehuanani Lagondino in Oahu, Hawaii. She began undergoing testosterone therapy, and after psychological testing, her first surgeries were performed in 2002. After that Tracy’s birth certificate and driver’s license changed. Six months later, Tracy became Tom.

Tom married his girlfriend Nancy in 2003, and because Nancy couldn’t have children, Tom had the child. Tom conceived – with donated sperm – and gave birth to children who are now 4, 3 and 2 years old. The couple eventually moved to Arizona.

When news leaked out of the pregnancy, Tom became an instant hint as “The Pregnant Man,” appearing on Oprah, Barbara Walters, Letterman etc. He also wrote a book, and is a motivational speaker for transgender rights.

Now Tom wants to end his marriage to Nancy, and filed in Phoenix, Arizona. Arizona, like Florida, bans same-sex marriages, which prevents Tom’s nine-year union with Nancy from being recognized as a valid marriage. So, Tom’s divorce plans stalled last summer when a judge said he was unable to find legal authority defining a man as someone who can give birth. However, the case has been left in legal limbo for a while.

Last week Maricopa County Family Court Judge Douglas Gerlach ruled that Arizona’s ban on same-sex marriages prevents Thomas Beatie’s nine-year union from being recognized as valid. Gerlach said he had no jurisdiction to approve a divorce because there’s insufficient evidence that Beatie was a man when he married Nancy Beatie in Hawaii. As USA Today reports:

“The decision here is not based on the conclusion that this case involves a same-sex marriage merely because one of the parties is a transsexual male, but instead, the decision is compelled by the fact that the parties failed to prove that (Thomas Beatie) was a transsexual male when they were issued their marriage license,” he wrote in Friday’s ruling.

The judge’s ruling also said it didn’t address whether Arizona law allows a person who was born female to marry another female after undergoing a sex change operation. Gerlach’s ruling also noted that Thomas Beatie halted the testosterone treatments and that he didn’t provide documentation for any additional non-surgical efforts.

Gay Marriage, Divorce, and Star Wars

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Friday, March 22, 2013.

There is a phantom menace in Florida. Couples who want to divorce may not have solemnized their vows properly. Florida strictly regulates who can solemnize a marriage. The list includes: ordained clergy, judicial officers, clerks of court and notaries public.

If your marriage was not legally solemnized, you may only be eligible for legal annulment; you would not be able to file for divorce, and you may not plead for alimony or equitable distribution in your legal petition.

In Scotland there is a new hope. The Scots are holding public consultation on the Marriage and Civil Partnership Bill, which would legalize gay marriage, and grant official recognition to weddings performed by Jedi Knights. In Scotland, we are literally witnessing the return of the Jedi:

The Force is strong with the Jedi in Scotland. A bill under consideration in Scotland would grant those who have literally made “Star Wars” a religion the power to perform marriage ceremonies.

And while it may sound like a joke to most, the Jedi religion is quite popular in some parts of Europe. In England, it is the second-most popular “alternative religion,” with more than 175,000 people listing themselves as Jedi in the 2012 nationwide census.

“Our current consultation covers not only the introduction of same-sex marriage but also the detail of important protections in relation to religious bodies and celebrants, freedom of speech and education,” a Scottish government spokeswoman said.

“At the moment, marriage ceremonies by bodies such as humanists have been classed as religious, even though the beliefs of such organizations are nonreligious….”

The Scottish government plans to hold a public consultation on the bill and, of course, not all traditionally religious groups are happy about creating a new category for ceremonies that are by their very nature, arguably, a religious practice.

“There are loads of people in a diverse society like this for whom belief can mean virtually anything-the Flat Earth Society and Jedi Knights Society-who knows?” the Rev. Iver Martin told the BBC.

For their part, the Jedi say the very nature of their beliefs would prevent them from tarnishing any other religious institutions.

Is there a problem with allowing light saber wielding Jedi to solemnize matrimony in Florida? Legalization of Jedi weddings in Scotland is part of a larger bill designed to legalize gay marriage. The attack of Jedi weddings could bolster claims from gay marriage opponents who could argue that legalizing gay marriage will lead us down a slippery slope. After all, if Jedi marriages become legal, how can we deny matrimony to others without risking a Clone War?

Four Things Guaranteed to Kill a Marriage

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Friday, March 1, 2013.

Predicting who gets divorce is tough. It’s been said that John Gottman can listen to a couple for 5 minutes and determine with 91% accuracy whether they’ll divorce.

Gottman has researched marriage for over 40 years, and couples that attend his workshops have half the relapse rate that standard therapy provides. I just ordered his book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

At the core of Gottman’s research are “The Four Horsemen”, the four indicators a divorce is on its way:

1. Criticism – Complaints are fine. Criticism though, attacks the person, not their behavior. (Husband didn’t take out the garbage because he’s a bad person, not because he forgot.)

2. Contempt – “…name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor. In whatever form contempt – the worst of the four horsemen – conveys disgust. How can you resolve a problem when your partner thinks you’re disgusted with him.

3. Defensiveness – Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner. and automatically escalates the conflict: ‘The problem isn’t with me, it’s with you.’

4. Stonewalling – Tuning out doesn’t just remove the person from the conflict, it removes them emotionally from the relationship.

Interestingly, Gottman claims most arguments in a marriage cannot be resolved. Couples can spend years trying to change each other’s mind, but it can’t be done. Instead of arguing, he suggests accepting each another as-is:

Psychologist Dan Wile said it best in his book After the Honeymoon: “When choosing a long-term partner . . . you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty or fifty years.

The book also has few interesting statistics:

  • “…an unhappy marriage can increase your chances of getting sick by roughly 35% and even shorten your life by an average of 4 years.”
  • “96% of the time you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes of the fifteen minute interaction…”
  • “I’ve found 94 percent of the time that couples who put a positive spin on their marriage’s history are likely to have a happy future as well. When happy memories are distorted, it’s a sign that the marriage needs help.”

His book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is available at Amazon (No, I don’t get a cut).