Category: Divorce

Divorce at 48

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Tuesday, September 2, 2014.

A writer at Huffington Post describes what a late-in-life divorce is like when her husband of 27 years sat her down on their new chaise lounge and told her he loved somebody else.

I’ve written on the phenomenon of gray divorces before. In 1990, 1 in 10 persons who divorced was 50 or older. By 2011, according to the American Community Survey, more than more than 1 in 4 were aged 50 or older.

Are women to blame? Women have long been more sensitive to – or less tolerant of – a mediocre relationship than men and are less willing to just ‘wait it out.

Men also share the blame, call it the Viagra Effect. With Viagra, men are able to satisfy younger women, and people are living longer and feel they can get out and still have a life.”

Several other factors include societal acceptance of divorce, increased economic autonomy of women and lengthening life expectancies.

What’s it like to divorce? The Huffington Post writer, Amy Koko, continues:

There were lawyers. . . There were accountants and mediators and a court-required class about parenting for this mother of four teenagers. . . And then finally, the dust settled and there were the two of us . . .

I went back to college and sat among young kids ready to graduate, in creative writing classes. They were amazingly talented kids, yet they were impressed with me! I had something to say and apparently did it in such a way that they wanted to read more. I was chosen to attend a writing seminar with well-known authors at Sarah Lawrence College. Me. A 48-year-old divorcée, living in a dorm room for a week, writing my little heart out.

There are special concerns involved when older couples divorce. As always, information is power, so make a point to seek out experts for guidance.

The Huffington Post article is here.

Do Daughters Cause Divorce?

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Sunday, August 10, 2014.

Knowing your baby’s sex can tell you a lot of things: like what color to paint the baby’s room, what baby gifts to get and . . . whether your marriage will end up in divorce court?

Studies have reported that marriages in which the firstborn are daughters are more likely to divorce than those producing firstborn sons. Researchers have observed a correlation between couples with daughters and their likelihood of divorce, which tends to be higher than for couples with sons.

Explanations abound: When adult sons live at home, they add to their parents’ workload. But when adult daughters live at home, they decrease the daily workload. Wives with daughters are less likely to stay with their husbands because with a girl, they’ll never be lonely or without help; and are less willing to tolerate bad husbands.

New research is showing the association between divorce rates and daughters might have more to do with what happens before birth. Female embryos tend to be hardier than male embryos, so girls may be surviving stressful relationships that boys can’t survive.

Using data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (NLSY79), research has found that conflicts in relationships predict the sex of children born after the conflict and also predicts subsequent divorce.

Researchers are taking pains to point out that their study indicates the need for a change in how research is conducted. Typically, studies about divorce start after birth. This new research is showing that other factors come into play before a child is born.

It seems pretty basic that couples with children face big conflicts that have nothing to do with parenting. But this new research is showing these conflicts exist and cause tension in relationships before kids are even born.

You can read more about the study here.

Celebrity Divorces and New Gay Marriage Case

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Wednesday, July 30, 2014.

A wealthy celebrity divorce is always juicy news. Michael Moore’s is no exception. Not surprisingly, his divorce reveals that the couple fought over (what else?) their enormous wealth.

As the Washington Post reports, for the neighbors of Traverse City who boat past Moore’s home, tongues wagging, the $2 million, 10,000 square-foot property has been a symbol of Moore’s “do as I say, not as I do” lifestyle.

Back in 2009, a morning show invited Moore on the broadcast to bash Wall Street executives. Moore ranted against business leaders living in “gated communities” and “castles with motes around them.”

This lavish display of wealth hasn’t been lost on the couple’s neighbors. “He is not a common man. No way,” one neighbor told The Detroit News.

Moore and Glynn own nine properties in Michigan and New York, including a Manhattan condo that once was three apartments. His wealth is pegged at around $50 million.

New Same-Sex Marriage from the 4th Circuit Court

A federal appellate court just invalidated Virginia’s same-sex marriage ban. The 4th Circuit is the second federal appellate court, after the 10th Circuit, to strike down an exclusion of gay couples from marriage.

The Fourth Circuit held that the ban violated gay couples’ fundamental right to marry and placed heavy reliance on both Windsor and Lawrence v. Texas as establishing the equal validity of gay couples’ intimate and relational choices:

Lawrence and Windsor indicate that the choices that individuals make in the context of same-sex relationships enjoy the same constitutional protection as the choices accompanying opposite-sex relationships. We therefore have no reason to suspect that the Supreme Court would accord the choice to marry someone of the same sex any less respect than the choice to marry an opposite-sex individual who is of different race, owes child support, or is imprisoned. Accordingly, we decline the Proponents’ invitation to characterize the right at issue in this case as the right to same-sex marriage rather than simply the right to marry.

The opinion used the word “segregation” in striking the law:

Civil marriage is one of the cornerstones of our way of life. It allows individuals to celebrate and publicly declare their intentions to form lifelong partnerships, which provide unparalleled intimacy, companionship, emotional support, and security. Denying same-sex couples this choice prohibits them from participating fully in our society, which is precisely the type of segregation that the Fourteenth Amendment cannot countenance.

The federal case of Bostic v. Schaefer can be read here.

New Study Shows the Reasons for Divorce

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Sunday, July 20, 2014.

Since the 1970s, the percentage of Americans who divorce has hovered between 40% to 50%. Using new data, a recent survey shows who wants out and why.

I’ve written about the reasons for divorce before. This new study notes that women are most prone to discontent in marriage: 20% of married women report having thought about leaving their spouse within the past year.

However, thoughts about separating – or conversations with one’s spouse or partner about exactly that – do not signify that a relationship is over: 13% of married respondents report having talked about separating.

Women also are far more likely to want out of their marriages than men: 55% said they wanted their marriages to end more than their spouses while only 29% of men reported the same.

For over 125 years, wives are consistently more likely to file for divorce than husbands. These results are resistant to time, which is surprising since economic opportunities for women have expanded dramatically – giving women outside options – and divorce laws have been altered, typically in their favor

The most-cited reasons for wanting a divorce were:

Infidelity by either party: 37% (28% spouse’s infidelity)

Spouse unresponsive to your needs: 32%

Grew tired of making a poor match work: 30%

Spouse’s immaturity: 30%

Emotional Abuse: 29%

Financial Priorities/Spending Patterns: 24%

Alcohol and Drug Abuse: 23%

Physical violence was a common reason listed by women seeking a divorce.

When married couples are asked about physical abuse, nearly identical shares of men and women say that they have experienced some form of physical abuse at least once in their marriage.

Divorce Timing

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Thursday, July 10, 2014.

Timing is everything they say. The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. If so, is there a right time to divorce? The Wall Street Journal’s Market Watch seems to think so.

Right thing to do at the wrong time.

Say you’re hedge-fund billionaire Dave Tepper, and just separated from your wife after 28 years. Your net worth is about $10 Billion. Timing is definitely a factor in your decision to divorce.

If the Tepper divorce goes ahead today, it would very likely be less expensive if it happened before the 2009 financial crisis. A lot of stock traders were panicking in 2009. But Tepper bought shares of troubled banks and took in nearly $4 billion for himself.

Divorce timing isn’t limited to stock market booms and busts either. Consider whether you would want to divorce if you know your company was about to go public. What if your spouse was about to receive a huge bonus, or a big inheritance? If any of those apply to you, waiting may be the right move at the right time, or the right move at the wrong time, or, well you get the point.

I wrote an article about dividing property in divorce when the value of the home is underwater – where the mortgage is worth more than the property. This may be the time to put off the divorce decision.

As the Wall Street Journal reports:

During the housing market meltdown, there were often no liquid assets to distribute. The share of underwater mortgages fell to below 20% in the first quarter of 2014 for the first time in four years and it’s expected to fall to 17.2% by the end of this year, according to real-estate website Zillow. That gradual rise in house prices will help unhappy couples to live happily ever after financially.

There are also practical and emotional issues to consider. Do you want to get divorced a week before your daughter’s wedding, or your son’s bar mitzvah or an in-law’s funeral? How about when your kids are taking their SATs, EOCs, or FCATs?

Having a plan is meaningless. Planning is everything. (Dwight D. Eisenhower said that) If so, once you’ve decided to divorce, carefully planning comes into play.

The Market Watch article is available here.

The One Day Divorce and Other Self Help Programs

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Friday, June 20, 2014.

Everyone knows divorce can be a long process. San Diego has a new program to help you complete your divorce in 1 day. Is there a problem with court-created ‘do it yourself’ divorces?

A New York Times reporter discovered a big one:

A real estate broker in Manhattan, used a $50 online do-it-yourself divorce kit when she and her husband of more than nine years decided to part ways. She figured they could save money by avoiding lawyers.

But after the courthouse clerk rejected her filing because the document formatting was incorrect, she had the paperwork reviewed by a lawyer, who informed her that if she waited six more months to file, she would be entitled to a portion of her husband’s pension benefits.

“If I had to do it over, I would hire an attorney immediately,” she said.

Do it yourself divorces only seem to reduce the cost and time of a divorce. However, people overwhelmingly are unaware of what the law entitles them to, and they lose out on tens of thousands of dollars, and the process can end up taking longer than it would otherwise.

“It’s like going to WebMD and deciding to treat yourself,” said Michael Stutman, a family law specialist in New York.

In Florida, a large number of divorcing people go it alone. Typically, people file initial divorce paperwork themselves, but don’t know what to do next, so their file languishes for months. Budget cuts in our state courts have reduced personnel and made the problem worse.

San Diego’s introduction of a one-day divorce program for people who can’t afford or don’t want a lawyer was not intended to protect your rights, the program was designed to solve a court administrative problem by flushing your case as quickly as possible.

Also, the program doesn’t mean a divorce is truly started and completed in a single day – residency and notification requirements have to be met first. You must, for example, already have filed a divorce petition and served your spouse with divorce papers to participate.

Florida does not offer a One-Day Divorce yet, but in Miami-Dade County the court offers a Self Help Program to provide necessary forms for a fee. But the program is designed to reduce delays caused by insufficient filings.

You are strongly cautioned that if you have any assets or may be paying support for a while, that you avoid one-day programs and self-help clinics like the plague.

You can read more about San Diego’s pilot program by clicking this link to NBC San Diego

Father’s Rights on Father’s Day

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Saturday, June 14, 2014.

Happy Father’s Day! There is a feeling among fathers that courts assume the mother is the only real parent. Men fear losing their kids in divorce court. Many think divorce courts are biased towards women. Are they right?

As Slate reports:

There’s a real perception – even women share it – that courts are unfair to fathers,” says Ira Ellman, a custody expert at Arizona State University. But in fact the great revolution in family court over the past 40 years or so has been the movement away from the presumption that mothers should be the main, or even sole, caretakers for their children.

Cases which involve fathers who never married the mothers are relatively new to the courts, but divorce courts have a long history of trying to keep up with changing gender dynamics.

The legal presumption that mothers should automatically get custody of children what in Florida we used to call the “tender years” doctrine has been abolished. Now Florida has a presumption of shared parental responsibility.

Are men’s rights activists right when they argue mother preference still exists? According to one of the most thorough surveys of child custody outcomes, which looked at Wisconsin between 1996 and 2007, the percentage of divorce cases in which the mother got sole custody dropped to 45.7% from 60.4%.

A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers shows that an increasing number of moms will be setting aside time to sign child support and alimony checks. Overall, 56% of the nation’s top divorce attorneys say that they have seen an increase in the number of mothers paying child support during the past three years, while 47% also note a rise in women being responsible for alimony throughout the same time period.

The real inequality in family courts these days may not be gender bias, but income bias. Wealthy men can end up paying very little in child support if they fight for substantial or majority timesharing. For poor men though, who may lack the ability to care for their children most of the time and pay a larger percentage of their salary as child support, the law may seem stacked against them.

For more on the Slate story, click here.

Comedian Louis C.K. On Post-Divorce Fatherhood

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Wednesday, May 21, 2014.

There’s a thin line between comedy and tragedy. This is true in divorce. Louis C.K. is an actor and comedian. He is also a divorced father who shares custody. He has some interesting comments about being a divorced father.

Personally, I like his crabby and profane stand-up routine, His T.V. show Louie is also great. Last week Louis C.K. gave an interview on National Public Radio about divorce on the program Fresh Air. Here’s what he had to say:

There is a version of divorced life where you’re partners and you’re both taking care of the kids, the kids are spending equal time with each parent, and there’s balance and there’s harmony between the parents because they’re not married in a bad marriage anymore.

If you do it right, it’s a much better life for the kids. I was determined to make sure that my kids still felt me in their lives after divorce. And then I was astonished to find out that they wanted to be with me all the time, that this was positive for them.

It motivated me to make a good life for myself so that the kids would have a good home when they came to my place. And their mom is a good co-parent; we’re good partners together, we’re friends and we’ve both I think done a pretty good job of letting the kids feel like they have everything.

They have a mom and they have a dad who get along and who are both there for them.

This is a great example of what I’d call a near ideal post-dissolution relationship. No one is perfect, and I’m sure his relationship with his Ex is not so clean either. But Louis C.K. portrays his imperfections in the T.V. show:

When his T.V. daughter has to write a letter to AIDS for class, Louie offers some suggestions. “Dear AIDS,” he suggests. “Why don’t you cut it out?”

He’s funny. He’s not perfect. He is doing the best he can . . . and he’s there.

The NPR interview is available here.

Experts, Divorce and the New Rule Change

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Monday, May 12, 2014.

We increasingly rely on experts in divorce trials. Most of my cases involve accountants, psychologists, or some other expert. Few people realize the expert witness rule dramatically changed recently.

I blogged about this rule change before, and have an article in the Florida Bar Commentator which deals with the issues in depth. One big question has to do with the way the rule was amended.

Under our constitution, the legislature can enact substantive law, but can’t pass procedural laws for the courtroom, or a separation of powers violation occurs. Many people have said the new expert rule change violates the Constitution.

For instance, the Florida Supreme Court recently refused to adopt the legislative changes to the newly created section 766.102(12), Florida Statutes, to the extent the high court saw them as procedural.

However, the Third District Court of Appeals just approved of the new statute in a case. A child, through his mother, sued her employer for her son’s premature birth and related health problems due to workplace stress.

The mother’s expert witness said that workplace stress caused the early delivery of her son with medical consequences, but the trial judge struck the expert’s testimony.

The Third District Court of Appeals upheld the Miami judge’s decision. The court noted that the statutory change requires all Florida courts to apply the new rule to all expert testimony, to apply it retroactively in pending cases, but did not discuss the possible constitutional controversy.

The Third District now joins the First District Court of Appeals in applying the new expert witness rule in pending cases.

The Third District Case can be read here.

Divorce is Contagious

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Monday, May 5, 2014.

A Brown University study shows that the divorceof a friend can increase your own chances of getting divorced. Facebook keeps you in touch, but also brings people’s problems to you, and could be impacting divorce rates. Should you start planning for your divorce if your friend just filed?

The Brown University study, conducted in Framingham, MA, found that:

75% of participants were more likely to get divorced if a friend was divorced,

55% were more likely to get a divorce than someone who works with all married coworkers,

33% were more likely to end their marriage even if a friend of a friend got divorced.

22% of participants were more likely to divorce if they had a divorced sibling.

So, with divorce rates inching up recently, is there a virus floating around? Not really. Divorce dissolves your social ties. The Brown University study suggests that divorce is a “social contagion” – the spread of information, attitudes and behaviors through friends, family and social networks. In that regard, Facebook and Twitter are carriers!

“The key is that the effects are not so much geographical, but that you are emotionally or psychologically close to someone who gets divorced.”

I’ve written about some other facts about rising divorce rates before. The Brown University study though, had some other interesting results:

– Popular people are less likely to get divorced;

– Divorcées have denser social networks, and are much more likely to remarry other divorcées;

– The presence of children does not influence the likelihood of divorce;

– Each child reduces the susceptibility to being influenced by peers who get divorced.

– Attending to the health of a friend’s marriages supports your own.

Divorce itself is not contagious, but emotions can be. An abstract of the study can be found here.