Tag: Gray Divorce

This is Your MenoDivorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Do you really want a divorce, or do you have a case of MenoDivorce? These are questions many women reaching their midlife are asking. Hormones are changing, they are becoming empty nesters, and careers are often at their peak. The hot new term in family law has become: the Meno-Divorce.

Menodivorce

No tears and no hearts breakin’ . . .

As of last year, marriage rates were up and divorce numbers were down. But, there’s a specific type of divorce that’s now seems to be on the rise. This is something known as “menodivorce” and, it’s linked to women, in particular, being perimenopausal or going through menopause.

The divorce rate for middle aged and older men has been increasing significantly too. For men, the second half of life is a big change in terms of  your physical shape, changing work roles, and different sexual appetites and abilities. Then there’s the fact children are grown, there’s more free time, and more disposable income.

It is no different for women. According to the Mayo Clinic, perimenopause is the time before menopause when your body is getting ready to stop having periods. And, more women approaching menopause are leaving their husbands. Some women view leaving their spouses as an awakening instead of a midlife crisis.

According to a UK-based survey conducted by the Family Law Menopause Project and Newsom Health Research and Education, seven in 10 women blamed perimenopause or menopause for the breakdown of their marriage.

Another study by Bowling Green State University’s National Center for Family and Marriage Research found that, as of 2019, divorce rates in adults 50 and older accounted for one in four divorces, up from this age bracket making up one in ten divorces in the US in 1990.

Florida MenoDivorce

I’ve written about midlife divorces and gray divorces before. The legal nuances of gray divorce can be different than what other couples might encounter. In a gray divorce, the financial considerations take on more importance than the children’s issues – because the children are emancipated or nearly so.

When couples choose to divorce in their 30s or 40s, they still have time to recover financially, because adults at that age have several years, if not decades, left in their careers.

But when divorce occurs when a couple is in their 50s or later, the so-called “MenoDivorce” years, careers may either be coming to a close or are completed, and spouses are often living on fixed incomes provided through Social Security or retirement benefits.

Here are some things to consider:

  • By the time a couple enters the golden years, there may be gold to divide, including businesses, retirement funds, and vacation homes. Valuing these assets can be difficult. A financial advisor may be an important component in the divorce.
  • Health insurance is often tied to the employment of a spouse. Courts may need to intervene if one party has dwindling capacity to handle their own affairs.
  • Wills and trusts need to be reviewed to make sure they reflect post-divorce wishes. The same is true for long-term care, such as medical directives, living wills and trusts.
  • Retirement plans can be substantial and complex. Retirement plans vary, and they all have different restrictions, tax consequences, distribution and vesting rules.
  • There are special concerns involved in a gray divorce. As always, information is power, so make a point to seek out experts for guidance.

Many MenoDivorces involve marriages that have lasted for several decades, which makes it difficult to disentangle the spouses from each other. However, couples who divorce after many years together should receive a close-to-even split of assets, legally putting each spouse on an equal playing field for the future.

No Remorse

The average age a woman reaches menopause in America is 51, according to the Mayo Clinic. One OB-GYN and menopause specialist broke down why women are divorcing their husbands when they hit this stage of their lives.

Perimenopausal and menopausal women experience a whole range of symptoms, like a loss of libido, at the same time, life begins to get more stressful, which eventually takes its toll on them. Experts advise couples to seek additional help, like therapy, to improve communication and support, as well as treatment to help with menopausal symptoms.

The USA Today article is here.

Young Folks and Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

It’s June, one of the most popular months of the year to marry. So, let’s talk about young folks and divorce. In 2017, around one million couples in the U.S. called it quits. That may seem like a lot of divorced couples, however the rate of divorce — just like the rate of marriage — is down. But is it really?

divorce and marriage

We don’t care about the young folks

What is happening today is that younger married couples are less likely to split up than they once were, driving the trend. But, at the same time, the rate of divorce for older generations has increased in a phenomenon known as “gray” divorce.

Divorces hit a historical high point in 1979, when 22.6 marriages out of every 1,000 broke up, according to researchers at the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green University.

By 2017, the rate had dropped to 16.1 divorces for every 1,000 marriages. That’s a decrease of 29% from the high point and the lowest the divorce rate has been in 40 years.

One cause, researchers believe, is that people are delaying marriage.

“There’s a fear of divorce or a specter of divorce looming large in people’s mind. They don’t want to make a mistake. They’re waiting longer to get married to divorce-proof their marriage.”

In 1963, the average woman married at around age 20, but by 2017, the median age at marriage was 27 for women and 29 for men. Using data collected by the National Center for Health Statistics and the American Community Survey, Bowling Green researchers calculated annual rates of divorce for girls and women ages 15 and older by dividing the number divorced in the past 12 months by the number divorced in the past 12 months plus the number currently married and then multiplying the result by 1,000.

We don’t care about the old folks

When couples choose to divorce in their 30s or 40s, they still have time to recover financially, because adults at that age have several years, if not decades, left in their careers.

But when divorce occurs when a couple is in their 50s or later, careers may either be coming to a close or are completed, and spouses are often living on fixed incomes provided through Social Security or retirement benefits.

I’ve written about this subject before. Here are some things to consider:

Valuing the Marital Estate – By the time a couple enters the golden years, they may have gold to divide, including businesses, retirement funds, and vacation homes. Valuing these assets can be difficult. The value of a business may not be apparent from balance sheets, and the sale or transfer of assets may have tax consequences. As a result, a financial advisor may be an important component in the divorce.

Medical Care – Health insurance is often tied to the employment of one spouse. With aging comes diminishing health, and declining cognitive ability. Courts may need to intervene if one party has dwindling capacity to handle their own affairs.

Long-Term Arrangements – Legal arrangements, such as wills and trusts, need to be reviewed to make sure they reflect post-divorce wishes. The same is true for long-term care, such as medical directives, living wills and trusts.

Retirement Plans – After 20 years of marriage, retirement plans can be substantial . . . and complex. Retirement plans vary in kind, and they all have different restrictions, tax consequences, distribution and vesting rules.

Lifestyle adjustment – Younger couples have time to re-accumulate wealth after divorce, but in Gray Divorces, the spouses have less time to re-establish themselves financially. One or both may be close to or in retirement, and face living on half of what they earmarked for retirement.

Talking only me and you

Researchers also examined the trends by age group and found that the drop in divorces has been driven by younger people. The greatest decrease they observed was among 15- to 24-year-olds, whose divorce rate dropped by 43%. The rate for 25- to 34-year-olds also dropped substantially, a decrease of about 30%.

After that, the rates of “gray divorce” more than doubled. For 55- to 64-year-olds, it climbed from 5 divorces per 1,000 marriages to 15 divorces per 1,000 marriages, and for those 65 and older, it rose from 1.8 to 5.

For comparison, the researchers also calculated marriage rates. In 1970, nearly a decade before the divorce peak, there were 76.5 marriages for every 1,000 unmarried women. In 2017, the rate had dropped to 32.2 marriages for every 1,000 unmarried women, a decrease of 58%.

 “The script was high school, maybe the military or college, and then you settle down,” Dr. Jordan said. “Now, it’s high school, maybe the military or college, maybe some period of self-discovery.”

That doesn’t mean fewer people have been pairing up or even delaying entering into romantic partnerships. But instead of marrying right after high school or college, more couples have simply moved in together, usurping marriage as the most common relationship experience in young adulthood.

Forty percent of women who wedded for the first time between 1980 and 1984 lived with their husband before they married, according to the Bowling Green researchers. From 2010 through 2014, 70% did.

That suggests for more couples, “I do” has morphed into, “I might.” But when they finally pledge “till death do us part,” they mean it.

The Wall Street Journal article is here.

 

My Big Fat Gray Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Nia Vardalos has filed for divorce from husband Ian Gomez. Her 1993 nuptials inspired the hit movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” and the marriage lasted for nearly 25 years. Nia’s is another example of the recent phenomenon of “gray divorce.”

Not Zorba the Greek

As PEOPLE magazine reports, after the couple’s 1993 wedding, Vardolos wrote the one-woman play “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” partially based on her own experiences. She starred in the 2002 hit movie playing Toula Portokalos, who falls in love with non-Greek Ian Miller. Gomez played Corbett’s best man, Mike.

The actress, 55, filed on Tuesday in Los Angeles County, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for their split, according to court documents obtained by The Blast.

Vardalos said she separated from her husband over a year ago on June 29, 2017, almost 24 years after they said, “I Do.”

Florida Gray Divorce

I’ve written about gray divorces before. The legal nuances of gray divorce can be different than what other couples might encounter. In a gray divorce, the financial considerations take on more importance than the children’s issues – because the children are emancipated or nearly so.

When couples choose to divorce in their 30s or 40s, they still have time to recover financially, because adults at that age have several years, if not decades, left in their careers.

But when divorce occurs when a couple is in their 50s or later, the so-called “gray divorce”, careers may either be coming to a close or are completed, and spouses are often living on fixed incomes provided through Social Security or retirement benefits.

Here are some things to consider:

  • By the time a couple enters the golden years, there may be gold to divide, including businesses, retirement funds, and vacation homes. Valuing these assets can be difficult. A financial advisor may be an important component in the divorce.
  • Health insurance is often tied to the employment of a spouse. Courts may need to intervene if one party has dwindling capacity to handle their own affairs.
  • Wills and trusts need to be reviewed to make sure they reflect post-divorce wishes. The same is true for long-term care, such as medical directives, living wills and trusts.
  • Retirement plans can be substantial and complex. Retirement plans vary, and they all have different restrictions, tax consequences, distribution and vesting rules.

There are special concerns involved in a gray divorce. As always, information is power, so make a point to seek out experts for guidance.

Most gray divorces involve marriages that have lasted for several decades, which makes it difficult to disentangle the spouses from each other. However, couples who divorce after many years together should receive a close-to-even split of assets, legally putting each spouse on an equal playing field for the future.

A Woman’s Way

In a joint statement obtained by PEOPLE, the couple said:

“We’ve been respectfully separated for a lengthy period of time. Our relationship became a friendship so the decision to end the marriage is completely mutual and amicable. It is our hope that decency will prevail on the reporting of this story which will soon be yesterday’s news. Thank you for respecting our privacy.”

Unlike many gray divorces, the couple share an 11-year-old daughter whom they adopted in 2008. She is asking for joint legal and physical custody of their daughter. The actress also asked that spousal support to be “determined in mediation.”

She and Gomez received the news that they had been matched with their then 3-year-old daughter in 2008 after more than nine years of struggling to become parents.

The PEOPLE article is here.

 

Prenups and Remarriage

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Thinking of remarrying? If so, there are a few precautions your must take to make sure your next marriage is successful, and that your finances and children are protected. This can include financial counseling, reviewing important documents and preparing prenuptial and postnuptial agreements.

prenup for remarriage

First Steps

You have concerns before you get remarried, and those concerns can grow into relationship problems unless you sit down with your spouse or future spouse and talk about finances.

As U.S. News and World Report writes, you should start with a simple discussion about your assets and liabilities. Couples also need to discuss their financial goals.

Do we have separate accounts, or do we co-mingle?

Do we get a new home, or do I keep the home I have, and you keep the home you have?”

There are a lot of personal and financial decisions that need to be discussed before the wedding party.

Florida Prenuptial Agreements

I’ve written about prenuptial agreements before. Prenuptial agreements are about more than just resolving uncertainty in a marriage.

Any couple who brings any personal or business assets to the union can benefit from one. They are also important to have in place before a couple starts investing in businesses, properties and other investments.

A prenuptial agreement (or “prenup” for short) is a contract between people intending to marry. A prenup determines spousal rights when the marriage ends by death or divorce. This can be especially important in second marriages.

If you divorce without a prenup, your property rights are determined under state law, and a spouse may have a claim to alimony while the suit for divorce is pending and after entry of a judgment.

Without a prenup, if your spouse dies, you will have statutory rights under state law to a share of your deceased spouse’s estate and may also have a right to lump sum death benefits, or a survivor annuity under a retirement plan.

That’s where prenups come in. Prospective spouses may limit or expand these rights by an agreement. Prenups are also used to protect the interests of children from a prior marriage, and to avoid a contested divorce. Prenups can be very worthwhile provided they’re done right.”

The most basic of prenups should list an inventory of premarital assets that would stay with the original owner in case of a divorce. Florida has both case law and a statute to help lawyers, judges and the parties determine if a prenuptial agreement is enforceable.

Final Plans

U.S. News and World Report makes several other suggestions which make sense.

Make sure your estate plan is up to date. You need to be extra cautious if you have children from a previous marriage. You want things to work out with your current spouse and also make sure your kids are not disinherited.

Update your will. Your will and beneficiary designations need to be updated for many major life events, including the birth of a child, death of a family member, marriage, divorce and remarriage.

Review all your documentation. If you are entering your second or third marriage, you may need to make significant changes to your estate plan, beneficiary designations and even your emergency contacts.

Make sure that all the documents you leave behind clearly spell out your wishes. Take the time to do proper estate planning, because a prenup may say one thing and the estate plan may say something different.

If they don’t realize it, at death there could be a problem if [the estate plan and the prenup] are not consistent in their goals.

The U.S. News and World Report article is here.

 

Gray Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

It used to be unthinkable for couples to divorce after 50. Things have changed dramatically. These days more people over 50 are divorced than widowed. This age group now accounts for one-quarter of all divorces. This is a post about divorcing after age 50, otherwise known as the gray divorce.

Growing Apart: The New Trend

According to some reports, these so-called “gray divorces” have doubled since 1990 and, with half our married population being 50 or older, the rate is expected to grow, especially as more and more baby boomers become empty nesters.

Divorce is hard and complicated no matter what your age is. But divorce might be something to approach carefully if you’re over the age of 50. Here’s why.

Florida Gray Divorce

When couples choose to divorce in their 30s or 40s, they still have time to recover financially, because adults at that age have several years, if not decades, left in their careers.

But when divorce occurs when a couple is in their 50s or later, careers may either be coming to a close or are completed, and spouses are often living on fixed incomes provided through Social Security or retirement benefits.

I’ve written about this subject before. Here are some things to consider:

  • Valuing the Marital Estate – By the time a couple enters the golden years, they may have gold to divide, including businesses, retirement funds, and vacation homes. Valuing these assets can be difficult. The value of a business may not be apparent from balance sheets, and the sale or transfer of assets may have tax consequences. As a result, a financial advisor may be an important component in the divorce.
  • Medical Care – Health insurance is often tied to the employment of one spouse. With aging comes diminishing health, and declining cognitive ability. Courts may need to intervene if one party has dwindling capacity to handle their own affairs.
  • Long-Term Arrangements – Legal arrangements, such as wills and trusts, need to be reviewed to make sure they reflect post-divorce wishes. The same is true for long-term care, such as medical directives, living wills and trusts.
  • Retirement Plans – After 20 years of marriage, retirement plans can be substantial . . . and complex. Retirement plans vary in kind, and they all have different restrictions, tax consequences, distribution and vesting rules.
  • Lifestyle adjustment – Younger couples have time to re-accumulate wealth after divorce, but in Gray Divorces, the spouses have less time to re-establish themselves financially. One or both may be close to or in retirement, and face living on half of what they earmarked for retirement.

Why is it happening?

There are many explanations for the gray divorce phenomenon. Often, couples aren’t on the same timeline emotionally when it comes to divorcing, and that can make a gray divorce particularly painful.

People are surprised to be dealing with a spouse who wants out after many years of marriage. The “leavee” can’t imagine growing old alone. The “leaver”, may feel guilty for ending the marriage.

Two-thirds of gray divorces are initiated by women. Having put their needs aside to raise a family, and tired of a spouse who ignores their pleas for change, these women dread the years ahead in a “dead” marriage.

Once the kids are gone, these women choose to end the marriage, opting for a new, more rewarding life and relationships.

The Tweet on Gray Marriage is here.

 

Divorce at 48

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Tuesday, September 2, 2014.

A writer at Huffington Post describes what a late-in-life divorce is like when her husband of 27 years sat her down on their new chaise lounge and told her he loved somebody else.

I’ve written on the phenomenon of gray divorces before. In 1990, 1 in 10 persons who divorced was 50 or older. By 2011, according to the American Community Survey, more than more than 1 in 4 were aged 50 or older.

Are women to blame? Women have long been more sensitive to – or less tolerant of – a mediocre relationship than men and are less willing to just ‘wait it out.

Men also share the blame, call it the Viagra Effect. With Viagra, men are able to satisfy younger women, and people are living longer and feel they can get out and still have a life.”

Several other factors include societal acceptance of divorce, increased economic autonomy of women and lengthening life expectancies.

What’s it like to divorce? The Huffington Post writer, Amy Koko, continues:

There were lawyers. . . There were accountants and mediators and a court-required class about parenting for this mother of four teenagers. . . And then finally, the dust settled and there were the two of us . . .

I went back to college and sat among young kids ready to graduate, in creative writing classes. They were amazingly talented kids, yet they were impressed with me! I had something to say and apparently did it in such a way that they wanted to read more. I was chosen to attend a writing seminar with well-known authors at Sarah Lawrence College. Me. A 48-year-old divorcée, living in a dorm room for a week, writing my little heart out.

There are special concerns involved when older couples divorce. As always, information is power, so make a point to seek out experts for guidance.

The Huffington Post article is here.

Gray Divorces: Divorcing after 50

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On behalf of Ronald H. Kauffman, P.A. posted in Divorce on Thursday, October 24, 2013.

So much for “till death do us part.” While the overall divorce rate has gone down, it’s doubled for couples over age 50. For the first time, more Americans 50 and older are divorced rather than widowed. Sociologists call them gray divorces.

In 1990, less than 3% of Americans older than 50 were divorced. By 2000, about 12% were. According to the latest Census Bureau’s estimate in the American Community Survey, in 2011 over 15% were divorced, while 13.5% were widowed.

In 1990, 1 in 10 persons who divorced was 50 or older. By 2011, according to the American Community Survey, more than 28 percent (more than 1 in 4) who said they divorced in the previous 12 months were 50 or older.

As the New York Times reports:

Researchers at Bowling Green warn that the rising divorce rate among older Americans has serious implications that go well beyond the couples themselves. Like widowhood, divorce can contribute to economic strain and poor health, placing a larger burden on children and, given shrinking family size, on institutional support from government and other sources.

“Staying together until death do us part is a bigger challenge than it used to be because we expect so much more of marriage than we did in the past, and we have so many more options when a marriage doesn’t live up to those expectations.

Think about it from this perspective:

“If you are a healthy 65, you can expect another pretty healthy 20 years. So with the kids gone, it seems more burdensome to stay in a bad relationship, or even one that has grown stale.”

Are women to blame:

Women have long been more sensitive to – or less tolerant of – a mediocre relationship than men and so another big factor is that with their increased work experience and greater sense of their own possibilities, they are less willing to just ‘wait it out.

What about the men?:

“Viagra is another reason – men are able to satisfy younger women. And people are living longer and they can get out and still have a life.”

Several other factors may be to blame, including:

  • Societal acceptance of divorce
  • Increased economic autonomy of women
  • Lengthening life expectancies
  • Less education is big risk factor
  • Shorter marriages less than 10 years.

Nonetheless, they say that if the rate remains constant, we can expect a 25 percent increase in the number of people that will experience divorce among Americans 50 and older.