Tag: Divorce & Annulment

Can You Pass the Divorce Test?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

As if fighting with your spouse wasn’t stressful enough, in China authorities require that you pass a quiz to divorce. Here’s the rub: the better you do on the test, the less likely the divorce will be approved.

Divorce Quizzes

According to the New York Times, the Chinese Divorce Test, which has been issued in at least two provinces since last year, follow the format of a typical three-part school exam: fill-in-the-blank, short answer, and an essay.

Questions include the mundane — “When is your anniversary?” — and the philosophical: “Have you fulfilled your responsibility to your family?”

The quizzes — 15 questions, scored on a scale of 100 points — were developed as a way to prevent “impulse divorces”.

Local news outlets reported that the authorities considered a score of 60 points or higher to mean “room for recovery,” and those couples were encouraged to work on their marriages.

Florida No Fault Divorce

Florida has made it much easier to divorce, which is a subject I’ve written about before. For example, we have abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. The only grounds you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

No fault divorce laws exist in all 50 states to make it possible for one party to get a divorce without proving any bad behavior took place, and without getting the permission of the other spouse.

Before the no-fault divorce era in the United States, people who wanted to get divorce either had to reach agreement in advance with the other spouse that the marriage was over or prove wrongdoing.

No-fault laws are the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court. No fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

China is different. China is going through growing pains and dealing with modern problems like separation and divorce. The Chinese Divorce Test is a novel approach to dealing with rising divorce rates.

Chinese Water Torture?

According to the Times:

Through the guidance of the questions, couples can reminisce on the moments of their relationship and reflect on their familial roles and responsibilities. Nearly two million Chinese couples divorced in the first half of 2017, an 11 percent increase from the year before, according to state news media. About 3 percent of all married couples sought a divorce last year, up from fewer than 1 percent in 2002.

The quizzes were meant only to be a starting point, not the deciding factor in whether a couple can split up. But at least one couple’s high score resulted in the authorities’ preventing their divorce in another province last year.

A court in Yibin, a city in Sichuan Province, refused to grant the couple a divorce in September after citing their stellar test scores, according to local news outlets.

More than 70 percent of divorces filed in China last year were initiated by women, The South China Morning Post reported, citing the Supreme People’s Court. In most filings, incompatibility was given as the major reason; 15 percent cited domestic violence.

However, a smaller number of divorces appear to be shams resulting from a quirk in Chinese real estate law. Some cities limit the number of properties a married couple can own. By legally divorcing, a couple can buy more real estate in some of the world’s most expensive cities.

Experts said the state’s focus on preventing divorce stems from a Confucian belief that a stable society is made up of complete families. Some Chinese citizens criticize the quizzes for treating people like children.

So, if you remember your wedding anniversary you can’t divorce? Divorce isn’t a case of amnesia.

The New York Times article is here.

 

Danish Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

As one of the most wired countries in the world, Denmark offers hospital records, tax returns, and divorces online. But the skyrocketing divorce rate has caused the country to limit the ease of divorce. What are drawbacks to a quick, online divorce?

Quickie Divorces

The New York Times reports that a Danish divorce can be obtained in less than a week with only a short online form and a $60 fee. But the government has decided that breaking up should be a little a harder to do.

Under new rules set to go into effect next year, couples who have children and who decide to dissolve their marriage will be required to observe a three-month “reflection period” before the divorce takes effect, during which they will be offered free counseling.

The idea is to provide protection for children, who will also receive counseling during the waiting period. (The quick divorce is still available for childless couples and in cases of abuse.)

Florida Divorce

I’ve written frequently about divorce issues, especially the differences between international and Florida divorces.  Florida, like Denmark, has its own restrictions on divorcing, even if not everything is available online.

For instance, you have to be a resident of the state of Florida for at least six months before filing. Additionally, you must file a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage with the circuit court and the Respondent files an Answer and/or counter petition.

A final judgment ending the marriage may not be entered until at least 20 days after the date the Petition was filed, unless the court finds that an injustice would result from this delay.

This is Your Danish Divorce

The current Danish laws give divorcing parents only a few days to decide on arrangements for their children online, increasing the potential for conflict. Denmark wants to give parents space and not make decisions right away.

The changes are a rare step back in a country that has moved aggressively to move official interactions online.

More than 90% of Danes between 16 and 89 can use a government-issued digital ID to gain access to personal records or to communicate with the authorities.

The system is often efficient: 1.3 million people logged on to see their annual tax return within 24 hours of release this month. But the push to digitalize Denmark may have gone too far and doesn’t work in divorce and death.

Digital death certificates, required in Denmark since 2007, lead to the immediate cancellation of passports, driver’s licenses and digital IDs to prevent fraud.

Kirsten Margrethe Kristensen was mistakenly declared dead by a doctor this month. “Making mistakes is human,” she told DR, the national broadcaster. “It’s more that one, just by a click, is out of the system and gone.”

The quick divorce presents a similar problem, some officials said — particularly when children are involved.

Soren Sander, a psychologist who has studied the effects of divorce, said that children and adults alike suffer psychologically and physically from a breakup:

“There are indications that with intervention their well-being increases.”

That’s not to say that divorces in Denmark are leaving the internet behind: While some counseling during the three-month reflection period takes place face to face, a mandatory course on the typical challenges of a divorce is available online and through an app.

The New York Times article is here.

 

Turkish Delight

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Another fault-based divorce ruling comes from Turkey’s Directorate of Religious Affairs, which issued a fatwa stating that if a man refers to his wife as either “mother” or “sister,” their marriage will be deemed divorced. What is no-fault divorce?

A Real Turkey

According to Turkey’s Hurriyet newspaper, if a man tells his wife that he sees her as a mother or sister, the man will be considered divorced from his wife.

However, if they have not divorced before, they may come together with a new marriage,” it said.

If a man says those things or other phrases like “I divorce you”, “You are not my wife”, “Be free”, “Go off”, or “Go to your father’s house” to his wife with the intention to divorce, the divorce has taken place in terms of Islam, even if it is sent by SMS or by e-mail.

Previously, the Diyanet, the Turkish Religious Affairs Directorate, had issued a fatwa on divorce, stating that couples may get divorced via telephone call, fax, letter, text message or internet.

Turkey’s preeminent religious authority has a long track record of issuing other interesting fatwas. For example, in November, the Diyanet declared the digital currency bitcoin “inappropriate at this moment in time.”

Then it issued a fatwa on hair dye for men, followed by a prohibition on purchasing national lottery tickets. Several days later, it warned against “immoral music.”

Florida No Fault Divorce

I’ve written about no fault divorces before. Historically in Florida, in order to obtain a divorce in Florida, one spouse had to prove the existence of legal grounds such as adultery.

Proving fault often required additional expenses on behalf of the aggrieved party, only serving to make the divorce process more expensive and cumbersome than it already was.

In the years leading up to the enactment of “no-fault” divorce, courts often granted divorces on bases that were easier to prove, the most common being “mental cruelty.”

Over time, the “no-fault” movement expanded to other states, although interestingly it only reached the typically progressive state of New York in 2010.

The Triple Talaq Divorce

Islamic countries have been convulsing lately with the divorce concept of “triple talaq.” Turkey’s Diyanet issued a similar fatwa. According to Hurriyet:

Divorcing your spouse by saying ‘talaq’ three times via phone call, letter, SMS, internet and fax are as valid as saying it to their face. However, in this situation, the husband should not deny the divorce.

If a woman is divorced through written methods such as a text message or letter, she should ensure that the message was sent by her husband.”

The religious body, Diyanet, has no power under Turkish law to issue a divorce. Civil courts grant separations under the 1926 Turkish civil code law. However, Turkey has become increasingly religious over the past several years.

The institution serves the Prime Minister’s office, is responsible for the appointments of personnel at mosques, drafts centralized sermons read at all mosques, and issues fatwas.

Critics argue that the Diyanet is against the impartiality required of a secular state, and that it promotes only one understanding of Islam in Turkey and abroad.

The Hurriyet article is here.

 

Divorce Planning

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

A cold wind blows across the Northern Hemisphere the first few months of the new year, and relationships start to feel a bit of a chill. The latest Eurostat numbers – which are in line with American statistics – show that divorce filings increase at the start of the year in Europe and the U.S.

This is Your Euro Divorce

People in the UK have reportedly dubbed the first working Monday in January “Divorce Day” in recognition of an apparent spike in couples considering dissolving their marriages.

More than 40,500 people in the U.K. are expected to search “divorce” online in January – a rate that is nearly 25 percent higher than the usual traffic generated by the term.

Florida Divorce Statistics

I have written about the phenomenon of divorce filings at the beginning of the year before.

Although Florida was a British colony, that may not explain why the beginning of the year was the most popular time to file for a divorce here in Florida too.

The first few months of the year are known for divorce filings, and January is nicknamed the “Divorce Month” in Florida.

Researchers recently did an analysis of all American divorce filings and found that there is a spike in divorces in January.

The spike in divorce filings is followed by a peak in late March.

What’s happening at the beginning of the new year that causes people to both marry and divorce?

According to the report:

“The holidays are often a tricky time for couples whose relationships have been under pressure for a while.

Add in the intense time spent together, financial pressure, extended family critiques and unrealistic expectations (nothing worse than happy people’s Facebook posts) – and it can spell disaster for some relationships.

Back in Europe

Amazingly, the same statistics hold true of our European cousins.

Below are the European countries with the Highest crude divorce rates – the ratio of the number of divorces during the year to the average population that year per 1,000 persons – according to Eurostat.

 

Country

Divorce Rank

Divorce Rate
Lithuania 1 3.2
Denmark 2 2.9
Estonia 3 (tie) 2.6
Latvia 3 (tie) 2.6
Czech Republic 5 (tie) 2.5
Finland 5 (tie) 2.5
Sweden 5 (tie) 2.5

 

The U.S News and World Report article is here.

 

Friends or Spouses?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux announced that they are going to file for divorce after two and a half years of marriage. However, some news outlets report they can’t locate the Friends’ star’s marriage license to see if they were even married. What would happen if you find out you were not married?

Friends Like Us

Irrespective of the status of their marriage license, according to news reports, the decision to divorce appears to have been mutual:

“We are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple, but look forward to continuing our cherished friendship.”

According to TMZ though: “We checked marriage records in L.A. County all the way back to 2010 and there is no record of a marriage license. There’s such a thing as a confidential marriage license, but we’re told they did NOT get one in L.A. County.”

Is Your Marriage Valid in Florida?

First off, common-law marriages have been abolished in Florida since 1968. In order to be validly married, you need a license. It may seem like a mere formality, but couples who want to be married must apply for a license.

There is a fee for getting a marriage license, and that fee is reduced for attending pre-marital counseling. The license is valid for 60 days. The officiant at the ceremony must certify that the marriage was solemnized.

The certified marriage license must be returned to the clerk or an issuing judge within 10 days, and the clerk or judge is required to keep a correct record of certified marriage licenses.

I have written about Florida marriages and divorces before. Florida courts have repeatedly warned people that they cannot depart from the requirement of the Florida Statutes to have a license, otherwise the courts would be re-creating common-law marriages.

In the event you do not obtain your marriage license, you cannot divorce. This means that certain rights can be lost. For example, you could not make claims for equitable distribution, and you could not ask a court for alimony. That can be a devastating result for many couples who unknowingly, are not married.

Central Perk

The report from TMZ sounds like ridiculously bad investigative journalism. Jennifer and Justin could have gotten a marriage license in any of the 57 other counties in California, or other states and even countries, and their marriage license would be valid.

But just because TMZ claims it spoke with some “Jen sources who have had regular contact with her for years, and they say there’s been talk for a long time they might not be legally married” does not prove or disprove anything.

According to the TMZ article:

“it’s certainly possible they’re legally married, but based on what we found, it’s possible they’re not.”

The TMZ article is here.

 

Is Divorce Genetic?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Are children of divorced parents more likely to get divorced than those who grew up in two-parent families? University researchers in Virginia and in Sweden are looking into the question of whether divorce is genetic or psychological. The results are surprising.

New Study

According to the report: people who were adopted resembled their biological — but not adoptive — parents and siblings in their histories of divorce.

The report also found consistent evidence that genetic factors primarily explained the “intergenerational transmission of divorce.”

The study’s findings about genes and divorce are notable because they diverge from the predominant narrative in divorce, that the offspring of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced because they see their parents struggling to manage conflict or lacking the necessary commitment, and they grow up to internalize that behavior.

Serotonin and Divorce

I’ve written about genes and divorce before. Other scientists are finding that the fault for divorce may reside in our genetic code. One gene involved in the regulation of serotonin can predict how much our emotions affect our relationships.

Researchers found a link between relationship fulfillment and a gene variant, or “allele,” known as 5-HTTLPR. All humans inherit a copy of this gene variant from each parent.

Study participants with two short 5-HTTLPR alleles were found to be most unhappy in their marriages when there was anger and contempt. They were most happy when there was humor and affection.

By contrast, those with one or two long alleles were far less bothered by the emotional tenor of their marriages.

The new findings don’t mean that couples with different variations of 5-HTTLPR are incompatible, but couples with two short alleles are likelier to thrive in a good relationship and suffer in a bad one.

What Causes Divorce?

Nearly all the prior literature emphasized that divorce was transmitted across generations psychologically, and the recent results about genes contradict that, suggesting that genetic factors are more important.

By recognizing the role that genetics plays in the transmission of divorce, therapists may be able to better identify more appropriate targets when helping distressed couples.

Previous studies haven’t adequately controlled for or examined something else in addition to the environment that divorcing parents transmit to their children: namely genes!

The study’s findings suggest new areas might be useful for therapists to target. For example, addressing underlying, personality-driven cognitive distortions through cognitive-behavioral approaches may be a better strategy.

The article from Virginia Commonwealth University is here.

 

Divorce Perspectives

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Essence magazine’s Senior Editor, Charreah K. Jackson, wrote an interesting article on divorce entitled: “9 Interesting Facts About Divorce for Black Couples” in which she shares her insights into modern divorce issues that anyone can benefit from.

Although the article is from 2013, the wisdom is timeless . . . and in some ways surprising. Some of the surprising findings from the front-lines of divorce include:

It Takes a Village to Get a Divorce

“When you’re Black, you’re not just married to one person, you’re married to a family. You’re married to a community. You may be married to a church. We’ve always embraced the concept that it takes a village.

For instance, you’ll have a grandmother who will come to court and the judge will say, ‘Well this is between the mother and father.’ Well in many instances, that grandmother is the one who is taking care of the kids.”

Women Pull the Purse Strings

“What makes our divorces different is that our community is formed around a matriarch. African-American women tend to be better-educated and higher-wage earners so when you’re ending a marital relationship the economic factors come into play.

If you have an African-American woman who has her master’s degree and she’s married to someone who has a high school diploma and works at the post office, she’s not going to voluntarily pay alimony for maintenance to him.

Mental Health Neglect and Marriage Don’t Mix

“African-Americans don’t do as well with getting therapy. So for Black people who are having marital problems that may lead to divorce, we’re resistant to any kind of intervention by mental health.

We perceive that, if I have to see a therapist, then something’s wrong with me. Often times, we don’t have the same resources available to us that the broader community has and even when we do have those resources, the stigma can be very challenging.

Conditioned for Call and Response

“When we go to church, we yell out, ‘amen.’ If the preacher is off-tune, then you’re, ‘Oh Lord, please help ‘em.’ We’re just a more expressive people.

I’ve seen White judges and lawyers who don’t fully understand how we express ourselves. A couple could be fighting like cats and dogs before the judge, but in the hallway, they are back friends again. And the judge looks at them and says, ‘Oh my God those people are out of control.’

But they might drive back in the same car. Just because we express ourselves a certain way, doesn’t necessarily mean that others understand what we mean when we express ourselves.

Divorce is for Spouses, Not Children

“All children of a divorce are impacted by their parents’ divorce. Most children will tell you that they want their parents to be together. But they have little control over the outcome of a divorce situation.

What tends to happen in the African-American community is that many fathers who get divorces from their spouses simply divorce the whole family and walk away. I have seen lawyers who don’t look like myself who will think:

‘I’ve gotten her the house, I’ve gotten her the kids. I’ve gotten her alimony.’ But that wife is saying, ‘more important than all those things is that he has a relationship with our children at the end of the day.’

That lawyer thinks he or she has done a great job for that client and at the same time, they don’t recognize the impact this is having on this family in the future. When a father divorces his children, when he divorces his spouse is a very tragic thing in our community.”

The Essence article is here.

 

Divorce and Privacy

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner’s divorce are a lot of things: “Messy” comes to mind, and definitely “sordid.” It has also been front page news. However, now the divorce is going to be closed to the public. Is it about reconciliation or privacy?

A Very Public Divorce

Huma Abedin was a top aide to former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, and privacy has always been a struggle. She has been front page news most recently, as the State Department posted a number of her emails after the messages were found on her husband’s laptop by the FBI.

Several of the released documents were found to contain information classified “confidential,” and were heavily redacted.

If that wasn’t front page news enough, her husband is Anthony Weiner. Anthony is the former Democratic congressman from New York who won seven terms as a Democrat, never receiving less than 60% of the vote. Politicians don’t get elected by being shy.

In May last year, Weiner pled guilty to a sexting charge of transferring obscene material to a minor, and was sentenced to 21 months in prison and is required to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

According to the New York Post, the couple withdrew their divorce proceeding from the New York court where it was being heard. They’re not reconciling though, it appears they are trying to keep their divorce private.

Divorce Privacy

I’ve written about the issue of privacy and public access to divorce records before. For example, in the Tom Cruise divorce, his ex-wife could have filed in New York or California, but they chose New York because of privacy laws there.

In Florida, court filings are not private. In fact, it has long been the policy of Florida that all state, county, and municipal records are open for personal inspection and copying by anyone.

In Florida, privacy is not the rule. Far from it. Here, providing access to public records is an affirmative duty of each agency. And, any agency that maintains a public record has to provide to any person, a copy of any public record which is not exempted by law from public disclosure.

The Weiners

In a statement to the New York Daily News, Abedin’s attorney said it’s for the privacy of their family.

“In order to ensure the proceedings have a minimal impact on their child, the parties have decided to finalize their divorce swiftly and privately.”

Privacy would certainly be a change for this couple’s tumultuous and much-scrutinized marriage, which is heading to an end after the sexting scandals.

The New York Daily News article is here.

 

India and Fault Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

A new Bollywood film concerns a woman who left her husband for failing to provide a toilet. It’s based on the true story of Anita Narre who threatened divorce to get her husband to build one. Do you need grounds to file for a divorce?

Indian Toilet Shortages

Many are surprised to learn that about 60% of India’s households lack access to toilets. That is surprising news for a country associated with ‘high tech’, but the situation is so bad, health advocates launched a “No toilet, No bride” campaign.

And, a family court judge in the state of Rajasthan has ruled that failure to provide a bathroom is an act of cruelty sufficiently significant to be grounds for divorce.

Florida No Fault Divorce

The Indian case is interesting for Floridians because Indian courts can grant divorces only in limited circumstances, by proving fault, such as physical abuse.

I’ve written about no-fault and fault standard divorces around the world before. Florida, as opposed to India, is a no-fault state.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

Many people argue that the introduction of no fault divorce is the reason the United States has a high divorce rate. In fact, many people think so, and want to return to the old “fault” system to promote families and er flush away no fault.

Down the Drain

The divorce case in India, described as a first by The Times of India, came in the case of a woman whose husband refused to provide a toilet, saying they were unnecessary. This forced her to go to the bathroom outside.

“We spend money on buying tobacco, liquor, and mobile phones, but are unwilling to construct toilets to protect the dignity of our family”.

Private bathrooms are in rare supply, and in some places, women have to wait until sunset to answer nature’s call.

This is not only physical cruelty but also outraging the modesty of a woman,” said the judge Rajendra Kumar Sharma.

The ruling comes at a time when the government is running a crusade against open defecation under the `Swachh Bharat Abhiyan’.

The Times of India article is here.

 

Divorce Benefits?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Divorce comes at a high price. You walk away from your marriage with significantly fewer assets and retirement savings by virtue of the property division. You can lose more if you have to pay support or alimony. Then there’s the emotional toll. But there may be a silver lining, some divorce benefits you were not aware of.

As U.S. News and World Report shows, divorce may have a few silver linings, some unknown or hidden benefits to take some of the sting away from an otherwise painful process.

The benefits of a divorce are not enough to make you run out and get one, but there are a few financial benefits that could make a very bad situation seem a little better if you look hard enough.

Financial Control

The end of a marriage can mean the end of fights over money. That is a divorce benefit. There is no more struggle over which categories get priority in the budget; no more evenings spent fighting or pleading with a spouse to rein in spending.

On the other side of divorce is some freedom.

Some people have also found that after a divorce from a spendthrift, you can accumulate big savings, thanks to budgeting on your priorities.

Early Access to Retirement Money

Another benefit is that a divorce is one of the few times you can pull money out of your retirement account early and not pay an early withdrawal penalty.

When the court enters a QDRO (a Qualified Domestic Relations Order) as part of a divorce, it allows for an early withdrawal from the account.

This money may be exempt from the typical penalty assessed, although income tax still needs to be paid if the money is not rolled into an IRA.

Cashing out part of your retirement account can be very risky, but it gives you some benefit to your money you may not otherwise have.

Potentially Better Investment returns

Divorce could mean better investment returns. After a divorce, you have the opportunity to take over your own retirement planning and investments. Being the captain of your own financial ship could be a financial benefit in the long run. I have also written about there being some tax issues in divorce which may benefit you.

More College Financial Aid

Divorce can be difficult for children, but there is one place where they may have a benefit: college financial aid.

The Free Application for Federal Student Aid only requires financial information from the custodial parent rather than both parents.

If you are divorced the FAFSA will consider only the custodial parent’s income.

For financial aid purposes, the custodial parent is the one your student lived with the most in the last 12 months, or the parent who provided the student with the most financial support.

The custodial parent for FAFSA purposes may be different from the parent who has legal custody.

Sometimes you can structure your marital settlement agreement so that the lower-earning parent becomes the custodial parent, giving your student the best chance of qualifying for the most financial aid.

Conclusion

Getting a divorce isn’t something to rush into, but if you find yourself in the midst of a crumbling marriage, don’t despair. You may still come out ahead thanks to these little-known financial benefits of divorce.

The U.S. News and World Report article is here.