Tag: Divorce & Annulment

5 Essential Divorce Tips

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

USA Today reports the statistic that half of all marriages will end in divorce is not accurate. Divorce is declining, and a big reason is that marriage — with all of its advantages, from survivor benefits, healthier kids, and a lower risk of heart attack – is becoming more selective and the people getting married have more advantages. There are 5 essential tips if you are thinking about divorce.

divorce tips

Florida Divorce

I’ve written on many divorce issues. In Florida, a divorce is called a “dissolution of marriage.” Florida is one of the many states that have abolished fault as a ground for dissolution of marriage.

The only requirement to dissolve a marriage is for one of the parties to prove that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Either spouse can file for the dissolution of marriage.

You must prove that a marriage exists, one party has been a Florida resident for six months immediately preceding the filing of the petition, and the marriage is irretrievably broken.

The reason for the irretrievable breakdown, however, may be considered under certain limited circumstances in the determination of alimony, equitable distribution of marital assets and debts, and the development of the parenting plan.

The divorce process can be very emotional and traumatic for couples as well as their kids. Spouses often do not know their legal rights and obligations. Court clerks and judges can answer some basic questions but cannot give legal advice.

Only an attorney can provide legal advice. Statutory requirements and court rules must be strictly followed, or you may lose certain rights permanently.

It’s important to only take legal and financial advice from a lawyer and a trusted financial professional. They will be able to objectively help you through your particular situation with the most effective and beneficial advice and strategies.

Below are USA Today’s 5 essential tips for divorcing from their recent report:

Focus on finances

A lawyer can help you through the legalities of things like separation agreements and child visitation, but when it comes to finances and managing joint debts, it’s best to work with someone who specializes in finances.

If you don’t know where to start, ask your divorce lawyer or mediator to recommend a financial planner they trust or have worked with in the past.

Close joint credit accounts

Once you have filed for divorce, it’s important to cease accruing debt in both of your names. By continuing to rack up joint debt you could end up doing more damage to your credit scores and credit reports and subsequently complicating the divorce process.

Keep track of income and expenses

This is always a smart idea, but particularly during the stress and chaos of a divorce, it can be helpful to track and document financial details including child support and alimony payments, and shared medical and other expenses.

There are many personal finance apps available that can help you keep track of these details.

Create a budget

Going from a two-income household to a single income is a major transition. If you haven’t adhered to a budget in the past, a divorce is a compelling reason to start doing so immediately.

Make sure to outline everything, including both daily and monthly expenses (groceries, utilities, mortgage and car payments, scheduled maintenance on appliances and vehicles), and long-term expenses including retirement and tuition funds. This will help you avoid overspending as you adjust to your new financial norm.

Update your records

Once your divorce is final you will need to change your marital status on things including tax records, utility bills, health insurance, and property titles (homes and cars, etc.).

Non-essential Tip

How about a non-essential tip? The satirical website, The Onion, has its own take on divorce tips. Fans of Dennis Quaid in the movie “The Parent Trap” will appreciate this advice:

“Keep the lines of communication between you and your ex open in order to avoid your twin daughters reconnecting at sleepaway camp and hatching a plan to make you two fall in love all over again.”

The USA Today money article on divorce is here.

 

Keep Divorce Costs Down

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Divorce can be costly. The bulk of expenses are for professional fees like lawyers, accountants and psychologists. The New York Times recently reported on different ways to keep divorce costs down, and maybe minimize your heartache, too. Here are some of those tips, free of charge.

divorce costs

Learn the Alternatives to Court

Opting for arbitration, collaboration or mediation may help you avoid the costs of a lengthy court battle, but each of these paths has its pros and cons. A lawyer can point you in the right direction but be sure you agree on the path.

In a collaborative divorce, both parties commit to creating a shared agreement. They may share a financial expert (called a financial neutral) or a divorce coach in the collaborative process.

This approach comes with an effective incentive, but also a harsh penalty for failure. If you get stuck, the case restarts but with new representation and it can be a costly do-over.

Talk for free . . . to others

I’ve written about divorce tips and advice before. Speaking to a divorce lawyer is a good use of your time, but speaking to them about non-legal matters is not. Lawyers are not therapists and way more expensive.

A therapist’s hourly fee typically is between $120 and $250, yet many people use their lawyer, who may charge twice that amount, to complain and lay blame.

Therapy can help the legal process run more smoothly. But often the conflicts in divorce proceedings — money, children — are not the real issues. Anger, resentment, or even fantasies of revenge, often come into play.

Disclose

As the New York Times article reports:

If there’s even a tiny question of whether you will ‘get away’ with hiding something, think again. There are very high penalties for hiding assets, and if you don’t disclose up front, you’re buying problems down the road.

The law is the law, and it’s not always fair. If you want to complain about spousal support or child support guidelines, take it up with the legislature.

Don’t Rush

In cases where there have been cheating or deceit and emotions are high, find a way to slow the process.

By slowing the process and letting time do its job of healing the wounds by, for example, pacing discovery or using the court’s calendar wisely. Resolving smaller issues as they arise can also help.

Personal property can be a money drain. Hold your power for the valuable and irreplaceable. Judges hate personal property issues and will likely assign most low-monetary value items randomly if there is disagreement.

Assemble a Team

Life after divorce is going to be different and knowing what that looks like often requires additional people and resources. Financial planners, divorce coaches and other professionals can help fill out your team of professionals.

Avoid Court

To avoid costly subpoenas and depositions, clients should provide complete records of all financial dealings, including tax returns, real estate documents and even handshake deals like consulting gigs.

Since you never know what is going to happen and no one is completely satisfied with the results that come down in a courtroom it can be crazy to put your life in the hands of someone who only has a snapshot of your story.

Get a Prenuptial Agreement

Another helpful tip is the use of prenuptial agreements and post-nuptial agreements.

A sound prenuptial agreement may be the best cost-saving measure in divorcing, said Barry Wayne, a partner in Bluestein and Wayne of Coral Gables, Fla. Often a prenuptial is prepared as the wedding planning is ongoing, and many times at the behest of wealthy relatives.

Consulting with an estate planning lawyer can help draft a prenuptial and also work to protect and assure assets for surviving spouses in the event of death.

The New York Times article on how to keep divorce costs down is here.

 

Divorce Infidelity and Gender

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

With one in five British adults admitting to cheating on their partners, monogamy is clearly not as straightforward a concept for some as it is for others. Could the impact of an affair differ based on your sex? Divorce, infidelity and gender is the topic of a recent report from England.

divorce infidelity and gender

Seven Year Itch

As the Independent reports, divorce, infidelity and gender studies have revealed that men may have a greater tendency than women to go ahead with or contemplate committing adultery in heterosexual relationships.

In fact, recent research has shown that they can be less forgiving than their female counterparts when considering divorce on account of infidelity. New research conducted into behavioral patterns that can lead to divorce, coming to illuminating conclusions about the impact of adulterous conduct on marital bliss.

According to the findings, almost a third of divorces occur when men and women have forgiven past wrongdoings but have finally “run out of patience.”

This bad behavior refers to a number of issues, including adultery, financial problems and substance abuse. Interestingly, some people are finding that women are more likely than men to try to salvage a broken marriage, despite their partner’s unfaithfulness.

Florida Divorce and Infidelity

I’ve written about divorce infidelity and gender issues before, but not specifically how men and women differ in the impact of an affair. One reason is that in Florida, we have no-fault divorce laws. No-fault divorce laws are the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court.

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. Gone are the days when you had to prove adultery, desertion or unreasonable behavior as in England.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Indecent Proposal

Adultery can be the cause of a divorce, but can divorce, infidelity and gender impact the outcome? Since Florida became a no-fault state, the fact that, “she (or he) is sleeping with a co-worker” doesn’t hold much traction in court any more.

When is adultery relevant in divorce in Florida? Although we are a no-fault state, there is still a statutory basis for infidelity to be an issue in your divorce proceedings, but not as a reason for divorce.

Some people think no fault divorce is one of the main reasons for a high divorce rate. Despite the recent legislative moves in the UK, there is a movement here to return to the old “fault” system to promote families.

Unfaithful

According to the Independent, researchers were surprised time and again by the ability of some men and women to almost turn a blind eye to their partner’s misbehavior.

However, the cases show how many people in such a situation find their patience ultimately exhausted, usually when the misconduct becomes too difficult for themselves and others to ignore.

“In some cases, that means being told by friends and relatives about extra-marital affairs which they were already aware of or discovering the true extent of a spouse’s financial difficulties and learning that they impact on a business as well as at home.”

On the other hand, the odds of men tolerating their wives’ dishonesty are far lower than the other way around.

Fatal Attraction

In Britain last year, the Office of National Statistics stated that the number of women petitioning for divorce against their husbands as a consequence of their spouses’ misconduct had decreased by 43 percent since 1996.

Meanwhile the number of men divorcing their wives for the same reason had increased by approximately by a third.

Some speculate that the main reason why men and women are willing to give their marriages another go is due to the negative effect separating will have on their children.

Divorce, infidelity and gender studies are surprising people in how different genders react. Arguably the principal factor in staying together is a desire to remain married for the sake of their children. Once those children have left home, a number of unhappy parents decide to take advantage of what they regard as an opportunity to leave a troubled marriage.

The Independent article is here.

 

New American Divorce Statistics

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

When a couple gets married, they expect it to last forever. Yet a study recently published has some new American divorce statistics that has made some interesting findings. For instance, every state has at least one city in which the divorced population exceeds the U.S. average.

divorce statistics

The reasons we divorce

Couples get divorced any number of reasons. But, there are several relatively common causes. A study published in the journal Couple Family Psychology found the following

lack of commitment was the most often cited reasons for divorce, listed by 75% of individual participants.

This was followed by infidelity at 59.6%, too much arguing at 57.73%, and marrying too young at 45.1% as the most common causes of divorce. Money problems, substance abuse and domestic violence were also cited as common reasons for divorce.

Florida Divorce

This is not the first study done about which state has the highest divorce rates, or which jobs are the most likely to divorce. I’ve written about the reasons for divorce before.

From a legal perspective, the reasons for the divorce are not always relevant. Florida is a no-fault state. No-fault laws are the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court.

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. Gone are the days when you had to prove adultery, desertion or unreasonable behavior.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Divorce by the Numbers

Divorces happen all across the country, but the percentage of the population that is divorced can vary from city to city. In some places, more than 20% of residents 15 and older are divorced.

Every state has at least one city in which the share of the population that is divorced exceeds the U.S. divorce percentage.

In one state’s capital, just 13.3% of people 15 and over are divorced. Yet in another of the state’s cities, the divorce rate is more than double: 26.8%.

Those struggling with money are more likely to split up, while people in difficult relationships may be more reluctant to leave if they have a level of financial security that could be jeopardized by a divorce.

Some of the highest divorce population percentages included:

Arkansas: Newport
• Divorced population: 24.1 percent
• Married population: 28.7 percent
• Never married: 32.9 percent
• Median household income: $28,872

Indiana: Rochester
• Divorced population: 24.3 percent
• Married population: 42.1 percent
• Never married: 24.8 percent
• Median household income: $40,451

Colorado: Aspen
• Divorced population: 22.9 percent
• Married population: 31.4 percent
• Never married: 43.3 percent
• Median household income: $64,594

Florida: Southgate
• Divorced population: 22.3 percent
• Married population: 43.8 percent
• Never married: 24.5 percent
• Median household income: $48,508

New Mexico: Truth or Consequences
• Divorced population: 26.8 percent
• Married population: 37.9 percent
• Never married: 23.7 percent
• Median household income: $27,350

Some of the lowest are:

Hawaii: Hawaiian Paradise Park
• Divorced population: 16.9 percent
• Married population: 48.2 percent
• Never married: 26.4 percent
• Median household income: $51,908

Idaho: Sandpoint
• Divorced population: 17.8 percent
• Married population: 46.4 percent
• Never married: 24.7 percent
• Median household income: $36,706

Iowa: Knoxville
• Divorced population: 16.5 percent
• Married population: 46.7 percent
• Never married: 26.5 percent
• Median household income: $43,986

Nebraska: Ralston
• Divorced population: 16.1 percent
• Married population: 45.8 percent
• Never married: 29.7 percent
• Median household income: $55,837

North Dakota: Devils Lake
• Divorced population: 13.3 percent
• Married population: 40.2 percent
• Never married: 37.1 percent
• Median household income: $43,791

The Coloradoan article is here.

 

 

How to Discuss Divorce?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Forget about complex divorce legal issues, the talk about who gets what, and where you’ll live. This post answers a tougher question: how do you tell your spouse you want a divorce?

Discussing Divorce

‘We have to talk’

You’ve no doubt seen it in the movies when it’s shouted out in an argument: “I want a divorce!” But is there a right way to discuss divorce and to let your spouse know your feelings about them?

To say that telling your partner you want to discuss divorce is delicate is an understatement. It is an enormous decision, one that, when raised, will alter both of your lives forever.

Unless you want a big legal battle, or want to treat each other uncivilly forever, it’s in everyone’s interest to learn how to tell your spouse it’s over. So how do you deliver such life-altering news?

Timing is Everything

First, you want to choose a time to discuss divorce when your partner is emotionally ready. Avoid those times when they’re already stressed or emotional.

This is the sort of discussion in which it pays to be patient and remember that the announcement can wait until a moment when its impact will be the least damaging.

Florida Divorce

I’ve written about grounds for divorce before. Florida is a no-fault state, meaning you no longer have to prove someone was at fault for ending the marriage. This takes a lot of pressure off of the conversation about divorce.

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Knowing that in Florida no one has to be found at fault in order to file a petition for dissolution of marriage should help you and your spouse when you discuss divorce.

Location, location, location

Ideally, you want to discuss divorce in a private, quiet space. Avoid crowded restaurants, shopping malls, or even at home if the kids are in the next room or you have family and friends over.

Avoid phrases like, “You should have,” “You don’t,” or “You didn’t.” You also need to be honest about what you’re feeling and why you believe this decision is the right one.

If you’re in couple’s therapy, the therapist’s office might be a good location. The therapist can help create healthy boundaries moving forward which can prove invaluable when the going gets tough.

Avoid the Specifics

When you discuss divorce for the first time, there is no reason to get into specifics of how the divorce will work. You can leave out the parenting plan, or any other specifics. The emotional toll of discussing a divorce is tough enough, talking about the petty details of the process could be overwhelming.

If your partner is going to be surprised about the divorce and is going to be hearing about it for the first time, don’t talk about dividing the IRA, who should have the kids for summer, or the details of your new apartment.

You want to give the person time to digest the concept, show emotion, and ask questions. Don’t make it worse by blaming the other spouse for their shortcomings.

Even if a divorce is more one-sided, chances are that neither party in the marriage is particularly thrilled about the way things have been going. With this in mind, it’s wise to open the conversation by laying the cards on the table.

The Fatherly article is here.

 

Happy “Good Divorce Week”?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Well it is the holiday season. According to the Financial Times, it’s “Good Divorce Week” (that’s really a thing). In Britain the aim is to help resolve a divorce in a constructive way and minimize the impact on children. The idea may work well here too.

Divorce

The Long and Winding Road

For most people — especially those going through a separation — a “good divorce” sounds like an oxymoron. Contentious splits are common, and likely to involve a lot of wasted time, anger and money.

But going to court is not the best way to resolve family issues. Mediation and negotiation can be cheaper, quicker and less stressful.

Increasingly, the collaborative process is becoming more widely requested by clients and helps keep costs and anger down.

Why do people in the UK divorce? According to the article, unreasonable behavior is the most common basis for divorce — accounting for 52% of divorce petitions brought by women, and 37% of those by men. However, research says adultery is the most common reason for divorce, followed by couples growing apart, struggling with money issues, abuse and addiction.

Let it Be: Florida Divorce

I’ve written about divorces before, and the “good divorce” too. Historically in Florida, in order to obtain a divorce, one had to prove the existence of legal grounds such as adultery. This often-required additional expenses on behalf of the aggrieved party, only serving to make the divorce process more expensive and cumbersome than it already was.

Florida Statutes actually still provide that these things may be considered under certain circumstances in the award of alimony, equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities, and determination of parental responsibility. However, case authority shows little consideration from a legal perspective, relegating them to more of an emotional appeal.

In the years leading up to the enactment of “no-fault” divorce, courts often granted divorces on bases that were easier to prove, the most common being “mental cruelty.”

In Florida, either spouse can file for the dissolution of marriage. You must prove that a marriage exists, one party has been a Florida resident for six months before filing the petition, and the marriage is irretrievably broken.

Back in the UK

Sarah Coles, has been researching the costs of divorce in the UK, and how a good divorce can reduce these. For starters, fighting in court can be expensive, so you need to ask yourself whether you really need to fight over who gets the pots and pans.

Mediation can dramatically cut costs of a divorce. If you have a reasonably good and equal relationship with your ex, this brings you together in a room with a single lawyer to hammer out the details.

To enable this, separating couples need to keep the channels of communication open.

Unsurprisingly, it is the financial settlement that causes huge stress. The article advises couples to decide their priorities when it comes to finances and matters relating to their children.

Remember that a bad credit record can affect you both, and that if you move out of the family home, but are still named on the mortgage, you are still jointly liable for the monthly repayments.

The Financial Times article is here.

 

Divorce Privacy

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Like any optimist, U.S. Rep. Keith Ellison is hoping divorce privacy laws will keep his personal history from impacting his campaign to become Minnesota attorney general. That may be difficult with the Star Tribune suing to unseal his divorce records.

Divorce Privacy

Minnesota Allegations

Ellison and his ex-wife, Kim Ellison, divorced in 2012. The related records have been sealed, so the public cannot access the information. The efforts to unseal the divorce records follow allegations by Ellison’s ex-girlfriend, Karen Monahan, that Ellison domestically abused her in 2016.

Ms. Monahan, a Sierra Club organizer, reportedly said she suffered “emotional and physical abuse” during their long-term relationship, including an incident in which she said Mr. Ellison dragged her from a bed and screamed obscenities at her.

The Star Tribune argued that, given the public interest around that situation and Kim Ellison’s public support of her ex-husband, the divorce records are a matter of concern to voters.

Divorce records are typically public, but judges will often agree to seal them if both parties to the case agree and no one else objects.

Florida Divorce Privacy

I’ve written on divorce privacy issues before. Divorce privacy is an issue that comes up a lot. Divorces in court are public events, and the filed records of court proceedings are public records available for public examination.

Both the public and the media can challenge any closure order by a divorce court. The closure of court proceedings or records should only really occur  when it’s necessary to comply with established public policy, to protect trade secrets; or to protect children in a divorce among other reasons.

Florida also has new rules protecting sensitive data from public view. This includes protecting Social Security, Bank Account, Debit, and Credit Card Numbers because if those numbers are included in a document, they may become part of the public record.

If information is absolutely required, there is a rule with procedures for sealing and unsealing of court records. Also, the Clerk of Court has the authority to redact or make confidential only specific information.

If sensitive information has already been filed in Court Records, you must complete and submit a “Notice of Confidential Information Within Court Filing” in order to remove or seal it.

Close Race

The Star Tribune argued that, given the public interest around that situation and Kim Ellison’s public support of her ex-husband, the divorce records are a matter of concern to voters.

Divorce records are typically public in Minnesota, but judges will often agree to seal them if both parties to the case agree and no one else objects. The Ellison campaign released a statement from Kim Ellison on behalf of both her and Keith Ellison.

“Our divorce simply isn’t the public’s business, and therefore, when we separated, we jointly asked the court to seal the file. Now, one month before a closely contested election for Minnesota Attorney General, a conservative group wants to probe our divorce file in search of something to use against Keith in this race. I am disappointed that the Star Tribune would choose to file this motion.”

Polls show this is a very tight attorney general race. A poll released September 16 shows Republican challenger Doug Wardlow and Ellison with 41 percentage points each. The Star Tribune/Minnesota Poll released September 19 shows Ellison with a five-point lead. That is still within the margin of error.

The Star Tribune article is here.

 

Divorce Surprises

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

According to a recent survey, 46% of divorced women reported their divorce brought unexpected financial problems. What are some of the divorce surprises you can run into if you find yourself in family court?

Divorce Surpises

In the study, 1,785 adult women were surveyed across three stages: those with divorce “on the horizon,” those in the midst of divorce, and those who described themselves as “divorced and determined.”

Divorce Tricks

Slightly related, I recently wrote about dirty divorce tricks which were in the news. These tricks should serve as a warning, not as a “how-to course”, because they can seriously backfire. A couple of common tricks to watch out for include:

  • Refusing to pay household bills until a court forces you to in an attempt to “Starve Out the Other Spouse”.
  • Waiting until the latest possible day to pay support money, even if you’ve got the money to send. Never mind the children.
  • Asking the court for sole custody of the children when you only want to share custody.

These tricks are not the kind of divorce surprises reported in the survey though. The above tricks are the result of planning to harm the other side.

Divorce Surprises

The surprises from the survey are very different. The divorce surprises have nothing to do with fraud, or the other side failing to disclose assets. So what are they?

  • Not knowing the size of your debt, including the first mortgage, home equity line of credit, the credit card debt, 501(k) loans, and student loans.
  • Not anticipating you may have to return to the workforce
  • Assuming your child support and/or alimony would be higher or last longer
  • Assuming you could keep the marital home
  • The staggering cost of health care insurance
  • Underestimating the emotional and financial cost of getting a divorce

In general, the study found that many women find themselves in a financially vulnerable position post-divorce due to a lack of financial knowledge and planning. The study claims a solution is twofold:

  • Reinvent careers to become self-sufficient and
  • Invest to avoid outliving your money.

The Forbes article is here.

 

My Big Fat Gray Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Nia Vardalos has filed for divorce from husband Ian Gomez. Her 1993 nuptials inspired the hit movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” and the marriage lasted for nearly 25 years. Nia’s is another example of the recent phenomenon of “gray divorce.”

Not Zorba the Greek

As PEOPLE magazine reports, after the couple’s 1993 wedding, Vardolos wrote the one-woman play “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” partially based on her own experiences. She starred in the 2002 hit movie playing Toula Portokalos, who falls in love with non-Greek Ian Miller. Gomez played Corbett’s best man, Mike.

The actress, 55, filed on Tuesday in Los Angeles County, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for their split, according to court documents obtained by The Blast.

Vardalos said she separated from her husband over a year ago on June 29, 2017, almost 24 years after they said, “I Do.”

Florida Gray Divorce

I’ve written about gray divorces before. The legal nuances of gray divorce can be different than what other couples might encounter. In a gray divorce, the financial considerations take on more importance than the children’s issues – because the children are emancipated or nearly so.

When couples choose to divorce in their 30s or 40s, they still have time to recover financially, because adults at that age have several years, if not decades, left in their careers.

But when divorce occurs when a couple is in their 50s or later, the so-called “gray divorce”, careers may either be coming to a close or are completed, and spouses are often living on fixed incomes provided through Social Security or retirement benefits.

Here are some things to consider:

  • By the time a couple enters the golden years, there may be gold to divide, including businesses, retirement funds, and vacation homes. Valuing these assets can be difficult. A financial advisor may be an important component in the divorce.
  • Health insurance is often tied to the employment of a spouse. Courts may need to intervene if one party has dwindling capacity to handle their own affairs.
  • Wills and trusts need to be reviewed to make sure they reflect post-divorce wishes. The same is true for long-term care, such as medical directives, living wills and trusts.
  • Retirement plans can be substantial and complex. Retirement plans vary, and they all have different restrictions, tax consequences, distribution and vesting rules.

There are special concerns involved in a gray divorce. As always, information is power, so make a point to seek out experts for guidance.

Most gray divorces involve marriages that have lasted for several decades, which makes it difficult to disentangle the spouses from each other. However, couples who divorce after many years together should receive a close-to-even split of assets, legally putting each spouse on an equal playing field for the future.

A Woman’s Way

In a joint statement obtained by PEOPLE, the couple said:

“We’ve been respectfully separated for a lengthy period of time. Our relationship became a friendship so the decision to end the marriage is completely mutual and amicable. It is our hope that decency will prevail on the reporting of this story which will soon be yesterday’s news. Thank you for respecting our privacy.”

Unlike many gray divorces, the couple share an 11-year-old daughter whom they adopted in 2008. She is asking for joint legal and physical custody of their daughter. The actress also asked that spousal support to be “determined in mediation.”

She and Gomez received the news that they had been matched with their then 3-year-old daughter in 2008 after more than nine years of struggling to become parents.

The PEOPLE article is here.

 

Do you Divorce or Annul?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

In a divorce fraud case from England, Neil Rattue was married for 15 years before he was found to have forged his divorce decree, and illegally married another woman. Do his two ‘wives’ file for divorce, or, like rats leaving a sinking ship, annul their marriages?

divorce or annul

Smell a Rat

Rattue invented a sickness, claiming he had “terminal cancer” to keep his double life hidden from both ‘wives”. The court in the UK heard a victim statement from his first wife, read out by the prosecutor, who said she felt like her husband had ‘stolen her life’ from her.

Why did he not ask me years ago for a divorce or when he met his new wife? Instead he was leading a double life. I have spent the last 19 years living with my mum as he left me with no other option. I am paying for this both mentally and emotionally. He has stolen my life from me.

Though he stopped seeing his first wife in 2001, he dutifully continued to call her daily for 17 years to ask how she was and discuss their debts, which she was paying off.

A court previously heard his first wife had paid off £30,000 of debt, from credit cards and loans taken out with Rattue, but still had a staggering £37,500 to be paid.

 Florida Divorce and Annulment

What if this took place in Florida? I’ve written about divorce and annulment in Florida before. Florida does not have a statute authorizing annulments. The decision to divorce or annul a marriage will depend on certain facts.

Annulment has a history beginning in England, and if King Henry VIII had been able to secure an annulment from the Pope, England might have remained a Catholic country. Today, annulment may best be known for rescuing Britney Spears from an ill-advised alcohol-related Las Vegas “bender.”

Because Florida is one of the handful of states that has no annulment statute, annulments in Florida are purely a question of common law, decided pursuant to the inherent equitable powers of the circuit court.

The historical common law “impediments” to marriage traditionally fell into two general categories: lack of consent and lack of capacity. This is substantially still the case law in Florida.

Lack of consent would include, for example, people who are related within certain degrees, and minors without parental consent.

Lack of capacity, is exactly the situation the Rattue wives are in. Lack of capacity includes marriages involving fraud, mental illness, sham marriages, and shotgun weddings.

While none of the “marriage” statutes in Florida specifically address purported marriages between one person and another person who is already legally married to a third party, bigamy is, of course, a crime. Bigamy raises the question: do you divorce or annul the marriage?

Whether to divorce or annul will depend on the legality of the marriages. Given that Rattue was never legal divorced, he forged his divorce decree, his second marriage would not likely be recognized in Florida.

This is not only a surprise for the first wife but can be devastating for the second wife. But, it also means his second wife would have to file for an annulment. His first wife, who was legally married, could file for divorce.

Ratatouille

According to the report:

The matter was not heard by a family court judge hearing whether to divorce or annul the marriage(s), but in criminal court. Judge Richard Parkes QC said Rattue had been ‘cowardly’ and ‘deceitful’ in maintaining his marriage to his first wife, despite having started a new marriage and raising children without his first wife even knowing.

Salisbury Crown Court, Wiltshire, heard how Rattue had met his first wife in Wiltshire in 1980 and they were married three years later. Rattue, who often worked away, then met his second wife while traveling.

The pair, who married on October 3, 1998, lived together in York, North Yorkshire, having two children together. Prosecutor Phillip Warren said Rattue had taken a friend’s divorce certificate without him knowing, before using it to forge his own.

Eighteen months ago, he would still phone me at work every day where he would ask me how I was. He still made me pay off all the money. He said we have got to stay married for the purpose of the loan and I believed him. Little did I know, it was because he had already forged our divorce certificate. This has been a prison sentence since 2001 when he left and stole my life from me.

The Mirror article is here.