Tag: board certified divorce attorney

Reducing Divorce Waiting Periods

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

With many countries and U.S. states, having divorce waiting periods, the District of Columbia’s recent legislation, which is reducing its waiting period, is big news. The D.C. Council gave unanimous approval to legislation that eliminated long waiting periods to file for divorce. The waiting period was considered especially harmful to survivors of domestic violence filing for divorce.

divorce waiting period

Waiting in Vain

D.C. law previously allowed a couple to divorce after six months of living separately, only if both parties mutually and voluntarily agreed to it. If a spouse contested the divorce, D.C. law required the couple to remain legally married for a year. Now if one spouse wants a divorce, they can file for one at any time — without any waiting period.

“It made no sense at all that someone might be chained to their abuser or their partner when they didn’t want to be. This was a common sense reform that allows people to move on with their lives and also provide some extra supports for survivors of domestic violence.”

The D.C. Council unanimously approved the bill in November 2023, and the new law took effect last week. The new D.C. law also requires judges to consider domestic violence history, including physical, emotional and financial abuse, when determining alimony or property distribution and it explicitly allows judges to award exclusive use of a family home to either spouse while awaiting litigation.

Florida Divorce Waiting Period

I’ve written about divorce waiting periods, and your rights in divorce before. Like the District of Columbia and other U.S. states, Florida also has a divorce waiting period of sorts. In Florida, no final judgment of dissolution of marriage may be entered until at least 20 days have elapsed from the date of filing the original petition for dissolution of marriage.

 The thinking behind waiting periods in Florida reflects the protective regard Florida holds toward the preservation of marriage and a public policy that marriage is the foundation of home and family.

In some cases the waiting period is longer. For instance, no dissolutions in Florida are allowed in cases of an incapacitated spouse unless the party alleged to be incapacitated has been adjudged incapacitated for a preceding period of at least 3 years. However, the court, on a showing that injustice would result from this delay, may enter a final judgment of dissolution of marriage at an earlier date.

Tired of Waiting

This change to the D.C. law will eliminate one of the many barriers people face when leaving abusive partners. The up-to-one year waiting period, which was established in the 1970s, was considered by many to be outdated and paternalistic.

Half of all states have a waiting period between the filing of divorce papers and when the marriage is legally dissolved, which can range from six months to even longer in some states. But why?

It has long been a recognized public policy by many states that encouraging and preserving the institution of marriage was a societal benefit. These days that notion may seem like an anachronistic legal concept. But the public policy underlying the presumption that marriage is a good institution still exists in many state statutes. Delaying a divorce then, comes from the theory that a couple, if they had more time, could preserve their marriage.

The Washington Post article is here.

Good Causes of Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

In a never-ending series, we look at good causes of divorce. In this edition, a police detective from Pennsylvania filed for divorce from his wife after he noticed she was photographed with another man during the January 6th Capitol riot.

Causes of Divorce

Stopping the Steal

Jennifer — the wife of Detective Michael of a Pennsylvania township police department and part of the FBI Pittsburgh office’s Violent Crimes Task Force — is accused of taking part in the January 6 riots at the Capitol building.

Jennifer was charged with several crimes after the riot, including disorderly and disruptive conduct in a restricted building or grounds, and violent entry and disorderly conduct on Capitol grounds, court documents show.

The FBI said in court documents filed last week that it identified Jennifer through her association with a man identified as Kenneth , and shared a photo of the two together that it said was obtained from Kenneth’s iPad.

The detective filed for divorce in February, records filed at the Allegheny County Court of Common Pleas show, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

Florida No Fault Divorce

The official term for divorce in Florida is “dissolution of marriage”, and you don’t need fault as a ground for divorce. Florida abolished fault as a ground for divorce. So, whether your Wife is out in the streets demonstrating, or worse, demonstrating with another man, you don’t need to allege that as grounds for divorce.

I’ve written about divorce and infidelity issues before. The no-fault concept in Florida means you no longer have to prove a reason for the divorce, like your spouse’s political views. Instead, you just need to state under oath that your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

Before the no-fault divorce era, people who wanted to get divorce either had to reach agreement in advance with the other spouse that the marriage was over, or throw mud at each other and prove wrongdoing like adultery or abuse.

No-fault laws were the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court. No fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

No Collusion

He is not part of the investigation. Sean Frank, the chief of the township’s police department, said earlier this month that the detective had asked his wife not to go to the pro-Trump rally that preceded the riots.

The FBI said Jennifer was seen on restricted Capitol grounds, and inside the Capitol rotunda while wearing a red long-sleeve jersey bearing “Trump 20” on the back. It reviewed security-camera footage and police bodycam footage; court documents show.

The FBI said that it also looked at Facebook Messenger exchanges between Jennifer and Kenneth, where they discussed their plans to travel to Washington, DC, including renting a vehicle and a hotel.

She later told the FBI that she did not enter the Capitol building. But the FBI said that its evidence shows there is probable cause to believe that she was present inside the US Capitol on January 6, 2021, during the riot and related offenses that occurred at the US Capitol Building.

She said she had traveled to Washington on January 5 and returned the next day, court documents said. She said that she and Kenneth then fell out of touch — that she had travelled to the rally alone and stayed in a separate hotel from Kenneth — but that she saw him at the pro-Trump rally.

In its arrest affidavit, the FBI includes a photo that it says shows Jennifer wearing a camo-colored Trump hat while Kenneth is seen wearing a Q-Anon sweater and an American flag-themed balaclava around his face.

In late January, Kenneth was also charged in Pittsburgh federal court for knowingly entering or remaining in a restricted building; disorderly conduct impeding government business; disruptive conduct in the Capitol building; parading, demonstrating or picketing in the Capitol; and obstructing an official proceeding.

According to an FBI affidavit, Kenneth live-streamed video of himself on Facebook showing him and others inside the Capitol building. Facebook users who watched the live-stream contacted the FBI and identified Kenneth, it is alleged.

In the affidavit, photos alleged to be of Kenneth in Washington, DC show him wearing a black-hooded sweatshirt with an American flag patch on the arm, the letter ‘Q’ on one lapel, a ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ flag on another lapel, and a black Pittsburgh Pirates baseball cap.

Jennifer works as a web and graphic designer for a distributor of nuts in Western Pennsylvania, according to her LinkedIn bio. Michael’s boss, the Police Chief Sean, told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette that Michael pleaded with his wife not to go to Washington, DC on January 6.

The Business Insider article is here.

 

Virtual Divorce Court

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Since we have moved to a virtual divorce court system, there have been a surge of people filing for divorce in the United States. This is a pattern also seen in China, Britain and Sweden. But as the New York Times reports, there are also problems with the reopening of virtual court, for expected reasons, and less obvious ones.

divorce surge

Old Problems and New

National statistics are not yet available, but there seems to be more work for lawyers and mediators across the board. Consultations are up significantly, but at the same time, some clients are frozen. Many people do not want to initiate the divorce process when their spouse is earning less or business values are down.

Every divorce comes laden with its own issues, but there are some pandemic-era problems facing those wondering whether to stay or get divorce. The pandemic hasn’t just heightened the tension in marriages. It’s also heightened the tension in divorces.

Lawyers acknowledge that although there is rarely travel time or time spent waiting around court for clients to pay for these days because almost everything is virtual and by appointment. However, this convenience can be offset by other costs, like waiting for hours outside courthouses to file something the electronic system won’t accept.

Then there’s the problem of documents which need to be notarized. Something once so simple a lawyer could do it while waiting with a client at court is a problem. Now, if clients don’t want to notarize something in person, it may require video calls along with the document being sent back and forth via snail mail or delivery service.

Florida Problem Free Divorce

I’ve written about no-fault divorces before. Historically in Florida, in order to obtain a divorce one had to prove the existence of legal grounds such as adultery.

This often required additional expenses on behalf of the aggrieved party, only serving to make the divorce process more expensive and cumbersome than it already was. In the years leading up to the enactment of “no-fault” divorce, courts often granted divorces on bases that were easier to prove, the most common being “mental cruelty.”

Over time, the “no-fault” movement expanded to other states, although interestingly it only reached the typically progressive state of New York in 2010. Whether or not it is intimacy or communication, you do not need to list a reason for a divorce other than an irretrievable break in the marriage.

Virtual Divorce Court

Further complicating things in virtual court is how difficult it can be to get on a judge’s calendar for a non-urgent matter. Besides the backlog in many courts, the video hearings in some virtual courtrooms mean that judges are able to get through fewer cases than in the pre-COVID world, when everyone was crowded into the same courtroom and cases went one after another.

The crush of cases means there is even more of a push to settle — pre-pandemic, some 90 percent of divorce cases didn’t go to trial. Some lawyers say that during the pandemic that figure is closer to 98 percent.

In addition to mediation, there has also been an uptick in couples using the collaborative divorce process. Collaborative divorce is a voluntary process in which couples work toward  a settlement  without the financial and emotional cost of litigation.

It may also be harder for clients to feel they have gotten a fair hearing via a zoom hearing. Virtual backgrounds can be frowned upon, because a judge needs to be able to see who else might be in the room.

In addition to the problem of how you appear before the court, there’s the added problem of how to consult with therapists, lawyers, and real estate agents, because there’s so little privacy with everyone at home.

There is also the more significant problem that judges can’t see body language, and nor can clients, who in the past could use it to glean information about the judge’s reaction to their position as presented by their lawyer. This can make clients wonder if the judge has fully heard them.

The New York Times article is here.

 

National Divorce Day

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

National Divorce Day arrives at every new year, and after the stress of 2020, this year is not likely to be different. But is there a way to avoid the surge in new year divorce filings?

National Divorce Day

New Year, New You

National Divorce Day is the first working Monday of the New Year when legal firms see a surge in consultation requests from people seeking a divorce and separation.

Lawyers typically see the number of inquiries double around this time and then in late January it tails off. Over the last two or three years people even inquire a little bit earlier between Christmas and New Year.

Legal statistics have shown that marital dissolution filings can jump as much as 27-30 percent during the first month of the year. In 2019, searches for divorce peaked between January 6-12 according to Google. This year, that Monday is January 4.

It’s thought the surge is due to a breakdown in relationships nearing the festive period, with couples halting divorce proceedings until after Christmas and New Year so as not to spoil the fun.

Relationships can also break down in January because of New Year’s resolutions or stress over the holiday period. Clients can wait until after the holiday season to start divorce proceedings, and these folks have been contemplating divorce for months, if not years.

Many of them have actually held out until the holidays were over to leave so as to spare their children from connecting Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years divorce.

Florida Divorce

I’ve written about the rise in new years divorce filings, and many times the holiday season can highlight problems. What should you do? Whatever the reason for your problems, there are a few things that anyone looking into divorce for the first time needs to know to help them through the process.

Prioritize

Line up your priorities for life after the divorce. Is it finding a home? Is it retiring? Getting a job? Managing your special-needs child? Consider writing down your most important goals.

Consult

Even if you aren’t certain you need to hire an attorney, or filing for divorce at all, it is a good idea to meet with an expert in Florida’s divorce and family laws. Who better than someone certified by Florida as an expert in marital and family law? We offer free consultations, but even when there is a charge, it is well worth the fee to get accurate information.

Alternatives

Litigation is something to avoid. It’s time-consuming, contentious and expensive. The majority of divorces end up settling. There are many forms of alternative dispute resolution out there, including collaborative divorce, mediation, and informal settlement conferences.

2021 National Divorce Day

The events of 2020 have led many to believe that there are more reasons than ever to really take stock before making one of the most consequential decisions of your life. COVID-19 has been a game-changer in many ways for all of us, not the least of which has been in relationships.

If there was already stress and strain in the marriage, the pandemic has been like gas on the fire, magnifying all the nooks and crannies of pain and resentment between partners. If things were fine before COVID-19 hit, they might not be so great nine or 10 months in. Many of us are stressed and edgy.

The fallout from 2020 will leave a large wake of destruction and loss. It’s never a good idea to make any decision—let alone perhaps the most major decision of your life—when you’re on rocky terrain. So, there are some important and obvious reasons why this January might be the worst year ever to take the divorce leap.

Some helpful advice from Newsweek:

Consider whether you need a temporary or permanent break

Just about everyone in a long-term relationship has thought on occasion about what life would be like if they were free, single, and didn’t have to answer to anyone. It seems we humans often want what we don’t have. But, having worked with enough divorcing folks, I’ve heard plenty say, “If I had known how hard divorce would be (or how lonely I would be), I would’ve stayed in my marriage.”

 Evaluate the kind of hit your finances could take

Between 2007 and 2009, 18 percent of my private practice population was homeless as a result of getting a divorce at the exactly the wrong financial time. These homeless people included what we’d normally call “successful” people: an attorney, an accountant and a social worker.

Hard times compounded by the divorce, they ended up with nowhere to live and not enough money to rent a place. With 2020 having decimated businesses and many economies around the world, it’s important to think long and hard about how you’ll get basic needs met if the bottom falls out.

The Newsweek article is here.

 

Separate Beds to Prevent Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Separate bedrooms may not be the most romantic idea, but couples who sleep together in the same bed are more likely to suffer snoring, tossing, turning and other nocturnal disturbances. These sleep disruptions can lead to health problems, sexual dysfunction and even fights. The idea of separate beds to prevent divorce might be something to sleep on.

Sleep Divorce

Did Lucy and Ricky Have it Right?

Should we return to the “I Love Lucy” days of separate beds? The idea is gaining fans. The more secure partners feel in their relationship, the more comfortable they tend to be with the idea of sleeping separately.

“Happy, long-term couples are more inclined to have well-developed communication skills and patterns, which are key to making separate sleeping arrangements work.”

A 2016 Paracelsus Private Medical University in Nuremberg, Germany, showed that sleep issues and relationship problems tend to occur simultaneously and that a partner’s sleepless night caused by snorting and other disturbances can result in conflicts in the relationship the next day.

In fact, a 2012 survey by the Better Sleep Council showed that one in four couples sleeps separately for a better night’s sleep. Yet 46 percent of Americans polled last year said they wished they could sleep apart from their partner.

Florida No-Fault Divorce

I’ve written about no fault divorce before. No-fault laws are the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court. The official term for divorce in Florida is “dissolution of marriage”, and you don’t need fault as a ground for divorce.

Florida abolished fault as a ground for divorce. This means you no longer have to prove a reason for the divorce, like loud snoring. Instead, you just need to state under oath that your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of sleep-deprived couples who felt the need to resort to exaggerations about loud snoring, lies about nocturnal kicking, and other false allegations about husbands in trial testimony.

Separate Beds & Counting Sheep

Some say that gender also plays a role. “It’s usually the wife or girlfriend who favors the idea of separate beds. Women are more sensitive to their bed mate’s bad habits and pregnancy and hormonal changes or problems can cause them to want to sleep alone.

The his-and-her bedroom backdrop from “I Love Lucy,” in the 1950’s, might have been one of the first times many saw a married couple in separate beds, but it is not an unusual concept for happy sleeping.

“We started sleeping separately when I was pregnant with our first child. I would toss and turn and not get enough sleep, so on occasion I would sleep in the spare room,” said one 41-year-old woman from Brisbane.

“Once I was pregnant with our second baby, one of us would sleep in the spare room to ensure we both got a good night’s sleep,” she said. “My husband’s snoring and blanket-hogging frustrated me when I was very tired and I would sometimes wake him up to tell him to stop, which of course he didn’t appreciate. It wasn’t until years later that it became more routine.”

Separate sleeping arrangements can include pairing side by side beds of similar size, having a smaller plus a larger bed in the room that the couple could share when they want to be intimate, or designating nights in a spare room. Separate bedrooms are another option.

Being open and honest with your partner about why you want to sleep separately is essential. “What’s equally as important to why you want to sleep apart is how you plan to ensure intimacy is retained in the relationship.”

Healthy couples who sleep separately can be as happy as healthy couples who sleep together. “They seem to have as good a sex life as couples who share the same bed. They feel very close to their partner. Maybe it’s because they respect each other’s personal space.”

For couples not ready for separate sleeping domains, a happy medium could be met with the right sleep solution. Investing in an adjustable mattress that accommodates both partners sleeping needs or pushing together two separate mattresses can help solve conflicts while still allowing a couple to remain close.

The New York Times article is here.

 

New Divorce Expert Witness Rule

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Many people know that in 2013 Florida passed a law which changed the divorce expert witness rule and how experts could testify in family law cases. A few people warned that the new law may be unconstitutional because of the way it passed. Fewer people know that in 2018 the Florida Supreme Court threw out the new rule. Even fewer people know that last week the court changed it all back.

Divorce Expert

The Frye Pan

People rely on all sorts of expert witnesses in divorce and family law cases, maybe more than most areas of law. Routinely, people will come to trial with accountants, psychologists, and other experts in tow.

Since 1923 courts have relied on the Frye Rule, which states that expert opinion based on a scientific technique is only admissible where the technique is generally accepted as reliable in the scientific community.

In 1993, the U.S. Supreme Court adopted a new standard which requires trial judges to screen expert testimony for relevance and reliability. The “Daubert test” developed in three product liabilities cases. The plaintiffs tried to introduce expert testimony to prove products caused their damages. The U.S. Supreme Court ultimately tightened the rules for admitting expert testimony

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen

In 2013, the Florida Legislature amended the Florida Evidence Code to start following the U.S. Supreme Court’s Daubert standard for the admission of expert testimony and the basis for an expert’s opinion.

I’ve written about the Constitutional problem with the way the legislature created the new law. When the legislature passes a law encroaching on courtroom practice and procedure, the laws are unconstitutional. However, the Legislature can enact substantive laws.

When one branch of government encroaches on another branch, Florida traditionally applies a “strict separation of powers doctrine.” Given that the Evidence Code contains both substantive and procedural provisions, there is a question whether the Legislature violated the separation of powers doctrine.

The Florida Evidence Code contains both substantive and procedural provisions, so there was a suspicion that the Legislature violated the separation of powers doctrine when it amended the code this way. At the time however, that issue has not been accepted by the Florida Supreme Court to date. The latest decision corrected that.

Frying Frye

The Florida Supreme Court, as part of its Constitutional rule-making authority has the power to adopt Legislative changes to the Evidence Code. As we saw before, the Court previously refused to adopt the Daubert amendments, to the extent that they are procedural, solely:

“due to the constitutional concerns raised” by the Committee members and people who opposed the amendments.”

This year, without re-addressing the correctness of the Florida Supreme Court’s ruling in DeLisle v. Crane Co, and after noting that DeLisle did not address the amendment to section 90.704 made by section 2 of chapter 2013-107, the Court chose to recede from its prior decision not to adopt the Legislature’s Daubert amendments.

The Court remarked that the Daubert standard has been routinely applied in federal courts since 1993, a majority of states adhere to Daubert, and caselaw after Daubert shows that the rejection of expert testimony is the exception rather than the rule.

Citing to Animal House, one of the dissenters to the majority opinion, newly appointed Justice, Robert J. Luck, poked fun at the High Court’s swift rule change:

Like the little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution, the concurring opinion cites section II.G.1. of our internal operating procedures, which provides that “the Court, on its own motion, may adopt or amend rules.” Id. (quoting Fla. S. Ct. Internal Op. Proc. II.G.1.). According to Westlaw, no court, including ours, has ever cited this language or any part of section II. Ever.

Effective immediately, the Florida Supreme Court adopted the amendments to section 90.702 as procedural rules of evidence, and adopted the amendment to section 90.704 to the extent it is procedural.

The Supreme Court opinion is available here.

 

Divorce Tax Strategies

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

As the New York Times reports, divorce can be a business negotiation. Harsh as that may sound — especially if there are children being fought over — when a couple gets to a final hearing or mediation, numbers matter. There are some divorce tax strategies you should know about involving the home, alimony, and even the time allotted with children.

divorce tax strategies

New Tax Code

Divorce negotiations are never easy, but they became even more complicated this year after the sweeping overhaul of our tax code changed many of the calculations that factor into the logistics of divorce.

The most sweeping tax legislation since 1986 was signed into law in 2017 and are only now taking effect. The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act makes reductions to income tax rates, reduces the income tax rate for corporations and pass-through entities like Sub-S corps and LLCs.

The revised tax code has brought some surprises to couples going through a divorce too, and many lawyers are suggesting that clients bring accountants into the divorce team to lay out the tax implications of age-old strategies.

Nothing is Certain: Divorce and Taxes

I’ve written about divorce and taxes before. The new tax code changes will impact your divorce, but the alimony deduction change may not be the only tax change which you should take into consideration in your divorce.

Many people are criticizing the new tax law in general. For example the decision to end the alimony deduction receives a lot of criticism. Many are saying it made divorce worse.

People won’t be willing to pay as much in alimony, which will disproportionately hurt women who tend to earn less and are more likely to be on the receiving end of alimony payments.

On the other hand, the alimony deduction itself has also been criticized. For example, the government argues the deduction is a burden on the IRS because, if the alimony amounts ex-spouses report paying and receiving don’t match, it can force the agency to audit two people who may already be feuding.

So, what are some of the new divorce ax strategies to consider with the changes to the tax code?

Alimony

Everyone involved in divorce has been talking about what happened to alimony and taxes. Last year I was warning clients in the midst of their divorces to hurry things up because of the new tax law changes which made alimony not deductible anymore. But like love, divorce cannot be rushed.

For divorces completed this year, and in the future, the spouse paying alimony can no longer deduct the alimony from taxes while the spouse receiving the money no longer has to claim it as income.

The loss has made alimony payments more costly to the paying spouse because it eliminated a tax break that often served as a reason to bring about an agreement by taking off the sting of alimony payments.

Family Home

The new tax law’s restrictions on deducting state and local taxes (the so-called “SALT” deductions) surprised many who saw their tax bill go up. When it comes to divorce, that limitation on deducting your real estate taxes can turn your home into a hot potato.

Usually, the spouse with less money would often want to keep the marital home for the children, but doing so now has become more costly.

In high-property-tax states, some divorcing couples are looking to get rid of second homes as well. Some states further complicate the process by having a set of standards that were created when alimony and state and local taxes were deductible on federal tax returns. While the SALT deductions have changed, the standards have not.

Dependents

The tax value of children in a divorce was also changed in the tax overhaul. In financial terms, children have become a smaller deduction.

The exemption for each dependent — $4,050 per person — was eliminated, but the child tax credit was increased to $2,000.

That credit starts to phase out at $200,000 of income for an individual and disappears at $240,000. This can impact you because the credit can be given to the spouse with lower income in exchange for a break elsewhere in the negotiations.

The New York Times article is here.

 

How to Discuss Divorce?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Forget about complex divorce legal issues, the talk about who gets what, and where you’ll live. This post answers a tougher question: how do you tell your spouse you want a divorce?

Discussing Divorce

‘We have to talk’

You’ve no doubt seen it in the movies when it’s shouted out in an argument: “I want a divorce!” But is there a right way to discuss divorce and to let your spouse know your feelings about them?

To say that telling your partner you want to discuss divorce is delicate is an understatement. It is an enormous decision, one that, when raised, will alter both of your lives forever.

Unless you want a big legal battle, or want to treat each other uncivilly forever, it’s in everyone’s interest to learn how to tell your spouse it’s over. So how do you deliver such life-altering news?

Timing is Everything

First, you want to choose a time to discuss divorce when your partner is emotionally ready. Avoid those times when they’re already stressed or emotional.

This is the sort of discussion in which it pays to be patient and remember that the announcement can wait until a moment when its impact will be the least damaging.

Florida Divorce

I’ve written about grounds for divorce before. Florida is a no-fault state, meaning you no longer have to prove someone was at fault for ending the marriage. This takes a lot of pressure off of the conversation about divorce.

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Knowing that in Florida no one has to be found at fault in order to file a petition for dissolution of marriage should help you and your spouse when you discuss divorce.

Location, location, location

Ideally, you want to discuss divorce in a private, quiet space. Avoid crowded restaurants, shopping malls, or even at home if the kids are in the next room or you have family and friends over.

Avoid phrases like, “You should have,” “You don’t,” or “You didn’t.” You also need to be honest about what you’re feeling and why you believe this decision is the right one.

If you’re in couple’s therapy, the therapist’s office might be a good location. The therapist can help create healthy boundaries moving forward which can prove invaluable when the going gets tough.

Avoid the Specifics

When you discuss divorce for the first time, there is no reason to get into specifics of how the divorce will work. You can leave out the parenting plan, or any other specifics. The emotional toll of discussing a divorce is tough enough, talking about the petty details of the process could be overwhelming.

If your partner is going to be surprised about the divorce and is going to be hearing about it for the first time, don’t talk about dividing the IRA, who should have the kids for summer, or the details of your new apartment.

You want to give the person time to digest the concept, show emotion, and ask questions. Don’t make it worse by blaming the other spouse for their shortcomings.

Even if a divorce is more one-sided, chances are that neither party in the marriage is particularly thrilled about the way things have been going. With this in mind, it’s wise to open the conversation by laying the cards on the table.

The Fatherly article is here.

 

Divorce Dress Code?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

There are a lot of curious family laws around the world, but a divorce dress code? One of the most peculiar laws comes from the African nation of Ghana, where divorce is permitted on one condition: the parties attend divorce court dressed the way they dressed at their wedding ceremony.

Divorce Dress Code

This is your Ghanaian Divorce

According to viral news reports – from such trusted sources as the internet – citizens of Ghana are allowed to divorce but only if they attend court dressed the same way they dressed at their wedding; with wedding gowns and tuxedos.

This condition creates very humorous situations in the so-called “Divorce Rooms”, where Ghanaians must go if they want to end their marriage.

In other African countries like in Togo, to be able to divorce, first you must go to your mother-in-law and explain your reasons for divorce in the hope you can receive her approval. Togo today may have a 0% divorce rate.

Florida Divorce

The official term for divorce in Florida is “dissolution of marriage”, you don’t need to show fault, and you definitely don’t have to wear your wedding gown.

Instead, you need to prove you have been a resident of the State of Florida for more than six months before filing your petition and be able to state under oath that your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

Additionally, mental incapacity is grounds for divorce in Florida, but a court must determine one of the spouses to be incompetent after an examination by a committee. If there is a declaration of mental incapacity, there is a three-year waiting period.

While there are no dress codes in Florida, I’ve written about how you should dress in court before. For example, and as one couple painfully learned, don’t come to a custody hearing wearing your Nazi uniform. You should instead dress in a neat and professional manner.

Meanwhile in Nigeria…

Sure, the Ghana divorce dress code story is fake news. But the idea of dressing appropriately for court is a universal concept. It shows respect for yourself, your children, the court, and the people who labor in it.

In other news, it appears a Nigerian man really did marry his guitar in a ceremony in Lagos. Harris Best shared photos of himself and his guitar – which he dressed in a white wedding gown – on his Twitter account. He took other musical instruments to the wedding venue at Aguda Local Council Development Area in Lagos.

The PM News article from Nigeria is here.

 

Rules for a Divorce Announcement

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos and his wife MacKenzie announced their divorce last week. Being the world’s richest man, a divorce announcement is big news. But as the Wall Street Journal reports, there are rules to writing one.

divorce announcement

“Alexa, read me a divorce announcement”

In a world of social media, where personal news like divorce can spread to millions in minutes, the days of sitting down and privately explaining to friends and family your decision are over.

For CEOs, its also a matter of re-assuring shareholders, employees, and customers that they won’t experience any turbulence.

Announcements allow you to frame the narrative of your case: to set the tone and story so others don’t have to guess what’s going on or how you approach divorce.

“Alexa, what do you need to divorce”

I’ve written on various topics about divorce. There can be good and bad divorces. How you announce your divorce these days has dramatically changed. This change has given you a lot of power over how your break-up is perceived by others.

But does it matter? Historically to obtain a divorce, you had to prove legal grounds such as adultery. This often-required additional expenses making the divorce process more expensive and cumbersome than it already was.

Florida Statutes actually still provide that these things may be considered in certain circumstances in the award of alimony, equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities, and determination of parental responsibility, but courts give them little consideration from a legal perspective.

In the years leading up to the enactment of “no-fault” divorce, courts often granted divorces on bases that were easier to prove, the most common being “mental cruelty.”

In Florida, either spouse can file for the dissolution of marriage. You must prove that a marriage exists, one party has been a Florida resident for six months before filing the petition, and the marriage is irretrievably broken. Because of the advent of no-fault divorce, your announcements should be focusing on things other than the cause of the divorce.

“Alexa, write an announcement”

You don’t have to be famous to announce your divorce. Actress Gwyneth Paltrow invented the catchy phrase: “conscientious uncoupling” in her divorce announcement from singer Chris Martin. That announcement put a good spin on her divorce. But, there are some other good rules to follow.

Rule One

Wait until the decision to split is final. If you’ve announced your divorce and then reconcile, it could get awkward.

Rule Two

Announce publicly after you’ve told your children, family and close friends. Remember the point is to own the narrative, so get your message out ahead of gossip and speculation.

Rule Three

Strike a positive tone — remember that your children and family will be reading it — and present a united front.

Rule Four

Don’t lie. If you don’t love your ex, don’t say: “Although we still love each other we need to move on.” It’s enough to state that it just didn’t work out.

The Wall Street Journal is available here.