Tag: Divorce Advice

Friends or Spouses?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux announced that they are going to file for divorce after two and a half years of marriage. However, some news outlets report they can’t locate the Friends’ star’s marriage license to see if they were even married. What would happen if you find out you were not married?

Friends Like Us

Irrespective of the status of their marriage license, according to news reports, the decision to divorce appears to have been mutual:

“We are two best friends who have decided to part ways as a couple, but look forward to continuing our cherished friendship.”

According to TMZ though: “We checked marriage records in L.A. County all the way back to 2010 and there is no record of a marriage license. There’s such a thing as a confidential marriage license, but we’re told they did NOT get one in L.A. County.”

Is Your Marriage Valid in Florida?

First off, common-law marriages have been abolished in Florida since 1968. In order to be validly married, you need a license. It may seem like a mere formality, but couples who want to be married must apply for a license.

There is a fee for getting a marriage license, and that fee is reduced for attending pre-marital counseling. The license is valid for 60 days. The officiant at the ceremony must certify that the marriage was solemnized.

The certified marriage license must be returned to the clerk or an issuing judge within 10 days, and the clerk or judge is required to keep a correct record of certified marriage licenses.

I have written about Florida marriages and divorces before. Florida courts have repeatedly warned people that they cannot depart from the requirement of the Florida Statutes to have a license, otherwise the courts would be re-creating common-law marriages.

In the event you do not obtain your marriage license, you cannot divorce. This means that certain rights can be lost. For example, you could not make claims for equitable distribution, and you could not ask a court for alimony. That can be a devastating result for many couples who unknowingly, are not married.

Central Perk

The report from TMZ sounds like ridiculously bad investigative journalism. Jennifer and Justin could have gotten a marriage license in any of the 57 other counties in California, or other states and even countries, and their marriage license would be valid.

But just because TMZ claims it spoke with some “Jen sources who have had regular contact with her for years, and they say there’s been talk for a long time they might not be legally married” does not prove or disprove anything.

According to the TMZ article:

“it’s certainly possible they’re legally married, but based on what we found, it’s possible they’re not.”

The TMZ article is here.

 

Is Divorce Genetic?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Are children of divorced parents more likely to get divorced than those who grew up in two-parent families? University researchers in Virginia and in Sweden are looking into the question of whether divorce is genetic or psychological. The results are surprising.

New Study

According to the report: people who were adopted resembled their biological — but not adoptive — parents and siblings in their histories of divorce.

The report also found consistent evidence that genetic factors primarily explained the “intergenerational transmission of divorce.”

The study’s findings about genes and divorce are notable because they diverge from the predominant narrative in divorce, that the offspring of divorced parents are more likely to get divorced because they see their parents struggling to manage conflict or lacking the necessary commitment, and they grow up to internalize that behavior.

Serotonin and Divorce

I’ve written about genes and divorce before. Other scientists are finding that the fault for divorce may reside in our genetic code. One gene involved in the regulation of serotonin can predict how much our emotions affect our relationships.

Researchers found a link between relationship fulfillment and a gene variant, or “allele,” known as 5-HTTLPR. All humans inherit a copy of this gene variant from each parent.

Study participants with two short 5-HTTLPR alleles were found to be most unhappy in their marriages when there was anger and contempt. They were most happy when there was humor and affection.

By contrast, those with one or two long alleles were far less bothered by the emotional tenor of their marriages.

The new findings don’t mean that couples with different variations of 5-HTTLPR are incompatible, but couples with two short alleles are likelier to thrive in a good relationship and suffer in a bad one.

What Causes Divorce?

Nearly all the prior literature emphasized that divorce was transmitted across generations psychologically, and the recent results about genes contradict that, suggesting that genetic factors are more important.

By recognizing the role that genetics plays in the transmission of divorce, therapists may be able to better identify more appropriate targets when helping distressed couples.

Previous studies haven’t adequately controlled for or examined something else in addition to the environment that divorcing parents transmit to their children: namely genes!

The study’s findings suggest new areas might be useful for therapists to target. For example, addressing underlying, personality-driven cognitive distortions through cognitive-behavioral approaches may be a better strategy.

The article from Virginia Commonwealth University is here.

 

Sweden’s High Divorce Rate

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

In a recent study of women in Sweden, 28 percent of people born to Swedish parents had divorced. But the divorce rate was much higher for immigrant women, where almost 60 percent had divorced in Sweden. The country may explain a lot about international divorce rates.

Stockholm Syndrome?

The divorce rates for immigrants in Sweden seem especially high when compared to the divorce rates in their home countries.

That the divorce rates are higher in Sweden may not be solely due to women’s higher workforce participation. In many patriarchal countries, like Iran, divorce is less accepted, and it can be legally more difficult to get divorced than in Sweden.

Rules about children can differ too. I’ve written on international divorces, especially as they relate to child custody issues and The Hague Convention on abduction.

International Divorces

I’ve written frequently about international divorce issues, especially international child abductions. The Hague Abduction Convention is a multilateral treaty developed by The Hague Conference on Private International Law to provide for the prompt return of a child internationally abducted by a parent from one-member country to another.

Sweden is a signatory to The Hague Convention, but many of the countries where Sweden’s immigrant population are from, are not signatories at all. This can be a problem if child abduction is an issue.

There are some essential elements to every Hague Convention case:

  • The country must be a Hague signatory country;
  • The child must be under the age of 16 years of age;
  • The wrongful removal must be a violation of the left behind parent’s “rights of custody;”
  • The left behind parent’s rights of custody “were actually being exercised or would have been exercised but for the removal.”

So, if a child under the age of sixteen has been wrongfully removed, the child must be promptly returned to the child’s country of habitual residence, unless certain exceptions apply.

The catch, of course, is that a child must be taken from a signatory country to another signatory country, and that is where understanding The Hague Convention comes in.

There is also a problem with hiding assets overseas. The problem of discovery of hidden wealth is even bigger in an international divorce because multiple countries, and multiple rules on discovery, can be involved.

Welcome to Sweden

Often, divorce is seen as a negative development. When families split up, children can find it difficult to adjust emotionally. But, not always for immigrant women in Sweden.

In a country like Sweden, the dynamics between the men and women change. Men who dominated their families because they had the economic power in their home countries lose that power when they integrate into a more gender-equal country like Sweden.

Women from patriarchal societies gain power when they integrate into a country like Sweden. There are more economic opportunities for them, and resources for women’s rights are more developed.

The welfare system is also extensive in Sweden, meaning that even women of low socioeconomic status can leave their husbands with no jobs and receive low-cost health care, education, job training, and a stipend from the government.

For women in Sweden who have migrated from more patriarchal countries, divorce may be an opportunity.

The Atlantic article is here.

 

Divorce Perspectives

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Essence magazine’s Senior Editor, Charreah K. Jackson, wrote an interesting article on divorce entitled: “9 Interesting Facts About Divorce for Black Couples” in which she shares her insights into modern divorce issues that anyone can benefit from.

Although the article is from 2013, the wisdom is timeless . . . and in some ways surprising. Some of the surprising findings from the front-lines of divorce include:

It Takes a Village to Get a Divorce

“When you’re Black, you’re not just married to one person, you’re married to a family. You’re married to a community. You may be married to a church. We’ve always embraced the concept that it takes a village.

For instance, you’ll have a grandmother who will come to court and the judge will say, ‘Well this is between the mother and father.’ Well in many instances, that grandmother is the one who is taking care of the kids.”

Women Pull the Purse Strings

“What makes our divorces different is that our community is formed around a matriarch. African-American women tend to be better-educated and higher-wage earners so when you’re ending a marital relationship the economic factors come into play.

If you have an African-American woman who has her master’s degree and she’s married to someone who has a high school diploma and works at the post office, she’s not going to voluntarily pay alimony for maintenance to him.

Mental Health Neglect and Marriage Don’t Mix

“African-Americans don’t do as well with getting therapy. So for Black people who are having marital problems that may lead to divorce, we’re resistant to any kind of intervention by mental health.

We perceive that, if I have to see a therapist, then something’s wrong with me. Often times, we don’t have the same resources available to us that the broader community has and even when we do have those resources, the stigma can be very challenging.

Conditioned for Call and Response

“When we go to church, we yell out, ‘amen.’ If the preacher is off-tune, then you’re, ‘Oh Lord, please help ‘em.’ We’re just a more expressive people.

I’ve seen White judges and lawyers who don’t fully understand how we express ourselves. A couple could be fighting like cats and dogs before the judge, but in the hallway, they are back friends again. And the judge looks at them and says, ‘Oh my God those people are out of control.’

But they might drive back in the same car. Just because we express ourselves a certain way, doesn’t necessarily mean that others understand what we mean when we express ourselves.

Divorce is for Spouses, Not Children

“All children of a divorce are impacted by their parents’ divorce. Most children will tell you that they want their parents to be together. But they have little control over the outcome of a divorce situation.

What tends to happen in the African-American community is that many fathers who get divorces from their spouses simply divorce the whole family and walk away. I have seen lawyers who don’t look like myself who will think:

‘I’ve gotten her the house, I’ve gotten her the kids. I’ve gotten her alimony.’ But that wife is saying, ‘more important than all those things is that he has a relationship with our children at the end of the day.’

That lawyer thinks he or she has done a great job for that client and at the same time, they don’t recognize the impact this is having on this family in the future. When a father divorces his children, when he divorces his spouse is a very tragic thing in our community.”

The Essence article is here.

 

Emojis and divorce: What did ???? mean?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Emails and texts have become regular exhibits in divorce trials. And increasingly, people are using emojis to express their intent. But did the witness’s champagne bottle and lipstick emoji mean what we thought? This is a post about emoji law.

Emojis

“Emoji” is Japanese for pictograph: e “picture” + moji “character”. Emojis are a writing system that uses symbols to represent an idea rather than words.

According to some studies, more than 90% of social media users communicate with emojis with some six billion emojis exchanged daily.

In a way, we’ve regressed to a hieroglyphics language not unlike the ancient Egyptians.

The Wall Street Journal has a great article on the increasing trend of people communicating through pictures and how we lawyers have to decipher the parties’ meaning.

Divorce Evidence

I’ve written about social media evidence in divorce before. The increasing use of emojis has put a new spin on things.

One of the first questions lawyers ask is about authenticity. Is the text, FaceBook or Instagram post even authentic? Usually, authentication of evidence like texts, emails, photographs, videos, audio recordings, and computer records is required as a condition to being admitted into evidence.

Some exhibits are so trustworthy, our Evidence Code doesn’t even require a witness. This is useful for things like: the law, and court rules for instance. For most other evidence, the Evidence Code lets the judge decide.

Over the years, the threat of false evidence being introduced in court has been diminished through the discovery process. We send out requests for admission and have pretrial conferences which have helped make authentication less of a concern.

Only after the evidence is found to be authentic can we discuss the intent of the text or post. Family law is unique. We have hearings early in the case, which means your emoji, and what you intended, can be discussed right away.

Emojis and the Law

Emojis are new, so there are no laws on the treatment of these emotion laden symbols. We only have a few cases to determine what courts do with emojis – and they do not consistently agree.

In some cases, emojis are taken under consideration when interpreting a commenter’s original intent.

For example, the appeals court in Michigan determined that “The use of the ‘:P’ emoticon makes it patently clear that the commenter was making a joke” because the face this emoticon represents usually “denotes a joke or sarcasm.”

The U.S. Supreme Court reversed a conviction of making threatening communications. The primary issue was whether a husband intended a “true threat” to his wife. The husband argued that his text was in jest because he added a “smiley” emoji sticking its tongue out.

The Supreme Court did not discuss the emoji, but reversed the conviction on other grounds.

The Wall Street Journal article is here (paywall).

 

Does Size Matter in Divorce?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

A Saudi Arabian woman has proven that height is important in matters of the heart after she filed to divorce her husband, citing his short height. The Saudi divorce filing raises the question of fault in divorce, and of course, does size matter?

According to Gulf News, the woman told the endowment department in Al Qatif that she wanted to be separated from her husband of seven months, saying:

she could no longer withstand the mockery and shocked looks of her friends because he was too short for her.

She added that the shocking attitudes by strangers in public when they remarked how she was towering over her husband made her feel painfully uneasy and distressingly uncomfortable, Saudi daily Okaz reported.

Florida No Fault Divorce

The Saudi Arabian case is interesting for Floridians interested in filing for divorce because granting divorces only in limited circumstances, by proving fault like being to short for instance, has become very foreign to Floridians.

I recently returned from speaking about international divorces at the prestigious, Florida Bar/AAML Certification Review Course in Orlando. I’ve also written about no-fault and fault standard divorces around the world.

Florida is a no-fault state. Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

Many people argue that the introduction of no fault divorce is the reason the United States has a high divorce rate. In fact, many people think so, and want to return to the old “fault” system to promote families.

Saudi Divorces

The number of divorce cases in Saudi Arabia has exponentially increased in recent years. According to Saudi Open Data, 35,000 divorce cases were reported in 2015, and 40,000 in 2016.

Experts believe that divorce rates have gone up by around 50 per cent this year from last year. According to the General Authority of Statistics, currently one in five marriages end in divorce.

The recent divorce about being too short though, has got to be among the most peculiar the Saudis have received. Most Social media users condemned the move by the young woman, blaming her for accepting to marry him when he proposed.

The few who supported her said she was right to ask for the separation, arguing that her uneasiness was not a matter of days that could be overcome with patience, but of a lifetime.

Does Size Really Matter?

According to a study by New York University published last year, researchers found that height might affect “more than just a man’s suit size.”

The study concluded that:

“short men married later in life than average or tall men, but were 32 per cent less likely to divorce. They were also more likely to marry less educated and younger women. Once married, they did less of the housework and earned a much higher income than their spouse.”

According to the findings, tall men married sooner in life, but were more at risk for divorce later on, as shorter men had more stable marriages. Tall men were also more likely to marry women closer to their age, and who were better-educated.

The researchers argued that “from the perspective of relationship exchange models, this indicates that the tallest men exchange their attractive attribute (height) for better-educated spouses, while short men are unable to do so.”

The Gulf News article is here.

 

Divorce and Privacy

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner’s divorce are a lot of things: “Messy” comes to mind, and definitely “sordid.” It has also been front page news. However, now the divorce is going to be closed to the public. Is it about reconciliation or privacy?

A Very Public Divorce

Huma Abedin was a top aide to former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, and privacy has always been a struggle. She has been front page news most recently, as the State Department posted a number of her emails after the messages were found on her husband’s laptop by the FBI.

Several of the released documents were found to contain information classified “confidential,” and were heavily redacted.

If that wasn’t front page news enough, her husband is Anthony Weiner. Anthony is the former Democratic congressman from New York who won seven terms as a Democrat, never receiving less than 60% of the vote. Politicians don’t get elected by being shy.

In May last year, Weiner pled guilty to a sexting charge of transferring obscene material to a minor, and was sentenced to 21 months in prison and is required to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

According to the New York Post, the couple withdrew their divorce proceeding from the New York court where it was being heard. They’re not reconciling though, it appears they are trying to keep their divorce private.

Divorce Privacy

I’ve written about the issue of privacy and public access to divorce records before. For example, in the Tom Cruise divorce, his ex-wife could have filed in New York or California, but they chose New York because of privacy laws there.

In Florida, court filings are not private. In fact, it has long been the policy of Florida that all state, county, and municipal records are open for personal inspection and copying by anyone.

In Florida, privacy is not the rule. Far from it. Here, providing access to public records is an affirmative duty of each agency. And, any agency that maintains a public record has to provide to any person, a copy of any public record which is not exempted by law from public disclosure.

The Weiners

In a statement to the New York Daily News, Abedin’s attorney said it’s for the privacy of their family.

“In order to ensure the proceedings have a minimal impact on their child, the parties have decided to finalize their divorce swiftly and privately.”

Privacy would certainly be a change for this couple’s tumultuous and much-scrutinized marriage, which is heading to an end after the sexting scandals.

The New York Daily News article is here.

 

India and Fault Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

A new Bollywood film concerns a woman who left her husband for failing to provide a toilet. It’s based on the true story of Anita Narre who threatened divorce to get her husband to build one. Do you need grounds to file for a divorce?

Indian Toilet Shortages

Many are surprised to learn that about 60% of India’s households lack access to toilets. That is surprising news for a country associated with ‘high tech’, but the situation is so bad, health advocates launched a “No toilet, No bride” campaign.

And, a family court judge in the state of Rajasthan has ruled that failure to provide a bathroom is an act of cruelty sufficiently significant to be grounds for divorce.

Florida No Fault Divorce

The Indian case is interesting for Floridians because Indian courts can grant divorces only in limited circumstances, by proving fault, such as physical abuse.

I’ve written about no-fault and fault standard divorces around the world before. Florida, as opposed to India, is a no-fault state.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

Many people argue that the introduction of no fault divorce is the reason the United States has a high divorce rate. In fact, many people think so, and want to return to the old “fault” system to promote families and er flush away no fault.

Down the Drain

The divorce case in India, described as a first by The Times of India, came in the case of a woman whose husband refused to provide a toilet, saying they were unnecessary. This forced her to go to the bathroom outside.

“We spend money on buying tobacco, liquor, and mobile phones, but are unwilling to construct toilets to protect the dignity of our family”.

Private bathrooms are in rare supply, and in some places, women have to wait until sunset to answer nature’s call.

This is not only physical cruelty but also outraging the modesty of a woman,” said the judge Rajendra Kumar Sharma.

The ruling comes at a time when the government is running a crusade against open defecation under the `Swachh Bharat Abhiyan’.

The Times of India article is here.

 

Divorce Benefits?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Divorce comes at a high price. You walk away from your marriage with significantly fewer assets and retirement savings by virtue of the property division. You can lose more if you have to pay support or alimony. Then there’s the emotional toll. But there may be a silver lining, some divorce benefits you were not aware of.

As U.S. News and World Report shows, divorce may have a few silver linings, some unknown or hidden benefits to take some of the sting away from an otherwise painful process.

The benefits of a divorce are not enough to make you run out and get one, but there are a few financial benefits that could make a very bad situation seem a little better if you look hard enough.

Financial Control

The end of a marriage can mean the end of fights over money. That is a divorce benefit. There is no more struggle over which categories get priority in the budget; no more evenings spent fighting or pleading with a spouse to rein in spending.

On the other side of divorce is some freedom.

Some people have also found that after a divorce from a spendthrift, you can accumulate big savings, thanks to budgeting on your priorities.

Early Access to Retirement Money

Another benefit is that a divorce is one of the few times you can pull money out of your retirement account early and not pay an early withdrawal penalty.

When the court enters a QDRO (a Qualified Domestic Relations Order) as part of a divorce, it allows for an early withdrawal from the account.

This money may be exempt from the typical penalty assessed, although income tax still needs to be paid if the money is not rolled into an IRA.

Cashing out part of your retirement account can be very risky, but it gives you some benefit to your money you may not otherwise have.

Potentially Better Investment returns

Divorce could mean better investment returns. After a divorce, you have the opportunity to take over your own retirement planning and investments. Being the captain of your own financial ship could be a financial benefit in the long run. I have also written about there being some tax issues in divorce which may benefit you.

More College Financial Aid

Divorce can be difficult for children, but there is one place where they may have a benefit: college financial aid.

The Free Application for Federal Student Aid only requires financial information from the custodial parent rather than both parents.

If you are divorced the FAFSA will consider only the custodial parent’s income.

For financial aid purposes, the custodial parent is the one your student lived with the most in the last 12 months, or the parent who provided the student with the most financial support.

The custodial parent for FAFSA purposes may be different from the parent who has legal custody.

Sometimes you can structure your marital settlement agreement so that the lower-earning parent becomes the custodial parent, giving your student the best chance of qualifying for the most financial aid.

Conclusion

Getting a divorce isn’t something to rush into, but if you find yourself in the midst of a crumbling marriage, don’t despair. You may still come out ahead thanks to these little-known financial benefits of divorce.

The U.S. News and World Report article is here.

 

Temporary Attorneys’ Fees

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Canada’s Financial Post has an article explaining temporary attorneys’ fees to get you through a divorce. The process is similar in Canada to here, but then again, there are important difference in attorneys’ fees you should know about.

As the Financial Post asks:

What happens when the parties are not in an equal financial position? As contingency fees are not available in family law, how can a spouse with few assets or little income retain the professionals?

In Canada, the answer is found in the Family Law Rules, which say:

A Court can make an order that a party pay an amount of money to another party to cover part or all of the expenses of carrying on the case, including lawyer’s fees.

The test before interim disbursements may be granted is to show that the case cannot proceed unless the funds are granted. In addition, the party must show that their position is sufficiently meritorious to warrant pursuit, and that special circumstances exist to allow the Court to exercise this extraordinary remedy.

Florida Attorneys’ Fees

Costs can be high in divorce in Florida too. One way to level the playing field of high divorce costs in Florida is to ask one side to pay for attorneys’ fees.

In Florida attorney’s fees may be awarded in a divorce, including enforcement and modification proceedings, separate maintenance, custody and support proceedings and appellate proceedings.

The court may from time to time, after considering the financial resources of both parties, order a party to pay a reasonable amount for attorney’s fees, suit money, and the cost to the other party of maintaining or defending any proceeding.

I’ve written about reducing attorneys’ fees through various means before. The purpose of awarding attorneys’ fees is to make certain that both parties in a divorce proceeding “will have similar ability to secure competent legal counsel.”

There are also fees for frivolous cases. A reasonable attorney’s fee can also be awarded to the prevailing party if the court finds that someone brought a claim that was not supported by the material facts the then existing law to those material facts.

Leveling the Playing Field

While temporary attorneys’ fees may sound like a windfall for the recipient spouse, in many complex matters, one spouse alone may spend $50,000 or more on experts’ fees, with legal fees being in excess of that amount in a divorce.

When making an order for interim disbursement, the court has discretion to decide both when the payment must be made by the wealthier spouse, and the way in which a payment will be accounted for.

Often in Canada, the payment is advanced against a future equalization (property) payment owing by the wealthier spouse. In many cases, it is clear early in the litigation that a property payment is owing — the only issue is “how much.”

Courts also have the discretion to order that the payment of attorneys’ fees be advanced as a loan to the recipient spouse, or on account of spousal support.

And sometimes, a court will simply order payment to be “uncharacterized,” meaning that whether or how the payor is credited will be determined in the future by the trial judge.

The Financial Post article is here.