Tag: best divorce lawyer

Strike!: Interstate Custody and Pro Sports

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Chicago Cubs Ben “Zorilla” Zobrist and his wife, singer Julianna Zobrist, have each filed for divorce in separate states on the same day, according to court records. How is a court supposed to figure out which state you should file your divorce in is the place where interstate custody and pro sports collide.

Interstate Custody

Batter Up!

Ben Zobrist filed for legal separation Monday in Williamson County, Tenn., where the couple — married since December 2005 — keep an offseason home in a Nashville suburb.

But, Julianna Zobrist filed in Cook County, Illinois on the same Monday. Julianna, a 34-year-old Christian pop singer, did not provide a reason for seeking a divorce in her petition. She also recently deleted her Twitter account.

Zobrist is a baseball second baseman and outfielder for the Chicago Cubs. He is one of seven players in MLB history to have won back-to back World Series championships on different teams. But being on many teams in different states means that choosing jurisdiction isn’t always easy for professional athletes.

The Zorilla used to play for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays/Rays, his first MLB club and where he spent most of his career. Then he briefly for the Oakland Athletics and Kansas City Royals.

Interstate Custody

I’ve written about interstate custody cases before. Generally, when two parents reside in Florida, Florida custody laws will apply. However, when one of the parents and the child move across state lines, you have an interstate custody problem.

But which law applies? Historically, family law is a matter of state rather than federal law. So, you would look to the state law of Florida, for example, in deciding an interstate case; not Federal law. As will be seen below, there are some conflicts with different state laws.

For various reasons, people travel more. As a result, family law has to take on an interstate, and international component. Accordingly, the conflicts between states can be amplified.

To help with confusion between different laws in different American states, the Uniform Law Commission is tasked with drafting laws on various subjects that attempt to bring uniformity across American state lines.

With respect to family law, different American states had adopted different approaches to issues related to interstate custody, visitation, and time-sharing. The results were that different states had conflicting resolutions to the same problems.

To seek harmony in this area, the Uniform Law Commission promulgated the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (the UCCJEA), which Florida and almost all U.S. states passed into law.

The UCCJEA: Initial Actions

The most fundamental aspect of the UCCJEA is the approach to the jurisdiction needed to start a case. In part, the UCCJEA requires a court have some jurisdiction vis-a-vis the child.

That jurisdiction is based on where the child is, and the significant connections the child has with the forum state, let’s say Florida for this example.

The ultimate determining factor in a Florida case then, is what is the “home state” of the child.

There is a good reason for the ‘home state’ approach under the UCCJEA, which has been adopted by most state laws. That is that Florida – and the other states – all have a strong public policy interest in protecting children in their states.

Foul Ball!

According to the Tennessean, Ben Zobrist’s filing contends that his wife “has been guilty of inappropriate marital conduct which render further cohabitation impossible,” though the article didn’t elaborate.

“Husband is unsure if the marriage can be salvaged,” the filing says, according to the Tennessean.

When asked whether Julianna Zobrist would like to respond to her husband’s assertions, an assistant said, “Not at this time,” and added on behalf of her Chicago-based law firm, “We don’t have any information right now to release to the public.”

The Cubs granted Zobrist, 37, a leave of absence a week ago. Manager Joe Maddon, whose association with Zobrist dates to 2006 with the Rays, wasn’t sure when the valuable infielder-outfielder would return.

The Chicago Tribune article is here.

 

5 Essential Divorce Tips

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

USA Today reports the statistic that half of all marriages will end in divorce is not accurate. Divorce is declining, and a big reason is that marriage — with all of its advantages, from survivor benefits, healthier kids, and a lower risk of heart attack – is becoming more selective and the people getting married have more advantages. There are 5 essential tips if you are thinking about divorce.

divorce tips

Florida Divorce

I’ve written on many divorce issues. In Florida, a divorce is called a “dissolution of marriage.” Florida is one of the many states that have abolished fault as a ground for dissolution of marriage.

The only requirement to dissolve a marriage is for one of the parties to prove that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Either spouse can file for the dissolution of marriage.

You must prove that a marriage exists, one party has been a Florida resident for six months immediately preceding the filing of the petition, and the marriage is irretrievably broken.

The reason for the irretrievable breakdown, however, may be considered under certain limited circumstances in the determination of alimony, equitable distribution of marital assets and debts, and the development of the parenting plan.

The divorce process can be very emotional and traumatic for couples as well as their kids. Spouses often do not know their legal rights and obligations. Court clerks and judges can answer some basic questions but cannot give legal advice.

Only an attorney can provide legal advice. Statutory requirements and court rules must be strictly followed, or you may lose certain rights permanently.

It’s important to only take legal and financial advice from a lawyer and a trusted financial professional. They will be able to objectively help you through your particular situation with the most effective and beneficial advice and strategies.

Below are USA Today’s 5 essential tips for divorcing from their recent report:

Focus on finances

A lawyer can help you through the legalities of things like separation agreements and child visitation, but when it comes to finances and managing joint debts, it’s best to work with someone who specializes in finances.

If you don’t know where to start, ask your divorce lawyer or mediator to recommend a financial planner they trust or have worked with in the past.

Close joint credit accounts

Once you have filed for divorce, it’s important to cease accruing debt in both of your names. By continuing to rack up joint debt you could end up doing more damage to your credit scores and credit reports and subsequently complicating the divorce process.

Keep track of income and expenses

This is always a smart idea, but particularly during the stress and chaos of a divorce, it can be helpful to track and document financial details including child support and alimony payments, and shared medical and other expenses.

There are many personal finance apps available that can help you keep track of these details.

Create a budget

Going from a two-income household to a single income is a major transition. If you haven’t adhered to a budget in the past, a divorce is a compelling reason to start doing so immediately.

Make sure to outline everything, including both daily and monthly expenses (groceries, utilities, mortgage and car payments, scheduled maintenance on appliances and vehicles), and long-term expenses including retirement and tuition funds. This will help you avoid overspending as you adjust to your new financial norm.

Update your records

Once your divorce is final you will need to change your marital status on things including tax records, utility bills, health insurance, and property titles (homes and cars, etc.).

Non-essential Tip

How about a non-essential tip? The satirical website, The Onion, has its own take on divorce tips. Fans of Dennis Quaid in the movie “The Parent Trap” will appreciate this advice:

“Keep the lines of communication between you and your ex open in order to avoid your twin daughters reconnecting at sleepaway camp and hatching a plan to make you two fall in love all over again.”

The USA Today money article on divorce is here.

 

Divorce Tax Strategies

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

As the New York Times reports, divorce can be a business negotiation. Harsh as that may sound — especially if there are children being fought over — when a couple gets to a final hearing or mediation, numbers matter. There are some divorce tax strategies you should know about involving the home, alimony, and even the time allotted with children.

divorce tax strategies

New Tax Code

Divorce negotiations are never easy, but they became even more complicated this year after the sweeping overhaul of our tax code changed many of the calculations that factor into the logistics of divorce.

The most sweeping tax legislation since 1986 was signed into law in 2017 and are only now taking effect. The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act makes reductions to income tax rates, reduces the income tax rate for corporations and pass-through entities like Sub-S corps and LLCs.

The revised tax code has brought some surprises to couples going through a divorce too, and many lawyers are suggesting that clients bring accountants into the divorce team to lay out the tax implications of age-old strategies.

Nothing is Certain: Divorce and Taxes

I’ve written about divorce and taxes before. The new tax code changes will impact your divorce, but the alimony deduction change may not be the only tax change which you should take into consideration in your divorce.

Many people are criticizing the new tax law in general. For example the decision to end the alimony deduction receives a lot of criticism. Many are saying it made divorce worse.

People won’t be willing to pay as much in alimony, which will disproportionately hurt women who tend to earn less and are more likely to be on the receiving end of alimony payments.

On the other hand, the alimony deduction itself has also been criticized. For example, the government argues the deduction is a burden on the IRS because, if the alimony amounts ex-spouses report paying and receiving don’t match, it can force the agency to audit two people who may already be feuding.

So, what are some of the new divorce ax strategies to consider with the changes to the tax code?

Alimony

Everyone involved in divorce has been talking about what happened to alimony and taxes. Last year I was warning clients in the midst of their divorces to hurry things up because of the new tax law changes which made alimony not deductible anymore. But like love, divorce cannot be rushed.

For divorces completed this year, and in the future, the spouse paying alimony can no longer deduct the alimony from taxes while the spouse receiving the money no longer has to claim it as income.

The loss has made alimony payments more costly to the paying spouse because it eliminated a tax break that often served as a reason to bring about an agreement by taking off the sting of alimony payments.

Family Home

The new tax law’s restrictions on deducting state and local taxes (the so-called “SALT” deductions) surprised many who saw their tax bill go up. When it comes to divorce, that limitation on deducting your real estate taxes can turn your home into a hot potato.

Usually, the spouse with less money would often want to keep the marital home for the children, but doing so now has become more costly.

In high-property-tax states, some divorcing couples are looking to get rid of second homes as well. Some states further complicate the process by having a set of standards that were created when alimony and state and local taxes were deductible on federal tax returns. While the SALT deductions have changed, the standards have not.

Dependents

The tax value of children in a divorce was also changed in the tax overhaul. In financial terms, children have become a smaller deduction.

The exemption for each dependent — $4,050 per person — was eliminated, but the child tax credit was increased to $2,000.

That credit starts to phase out at $200,000 of income for an individual and disappears at $240,000. This can impact you because the credit can be given to the spouse with lower income in exchange for a break elsewhere in the negotiations.

The New York Times article is here.

 

This is your Medicaid Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Sometimes more income isn’t good news. People suffering from major illness worry they could lose their Medicaid eligibility because of changes to Medicaid rules. More and more people are discussing the “Medicaid divorce” as a planning tool, but is it something to consider?

Medicaid Divorce

To Your Health!

Medicaid provides health coverage to millions of Americans, including eligible low-income adults, children, pregnant women, elderly adults and people with disabilities. Medicaid is administered by states, according to federal requirements. The program is funded jointly by states and the federal government.

According to online media company Ozy, Susan was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at age 4, and has lived with chronic pain. She didn’t have private insurance at the time of her diagnosis, so Medicaid was critical to manage her disability.

Susan’s husband’s seasonal income fluctuated, leaving Susan hovering near the Medicaid eligibility cap. She had briefly lost coverage during their marriage because her eligibility was based on household income.

Since Susan’s husband’s pay increase Susan worried she could lose Medicaid eligibility again, just when her medical bills were about to skyrocket. Divorce, they decided, would eliminate the month-to-month possibility of losing coverage — and the fear that came with it.

Florida Divorce

I’ve written about divorce planning before. For example, there is a marriage penalty which people have planned for to avoid the situation where a married couple pays higher income taxes than they would pay if they were un-married and filed individual tax returns.

Medicaid divorces are similar but a rarely talked about type of divorce planning. Some people are forced to think about divorcing when the medical costs for their spouse can lead a couple to deplete their assets, leaving the healthy spouse impoverished.

Medicaid is a federal needs-based assistance program and your eligibility is determined by the total income and assets of you and your spouse which are pooled and totaled and may require that assets are spent down to qualify for Medicaid.

In a Medicaid divorce the goal is to transfer assets to the healthy spouse to minimize the spend-down requirement, maintain the quality of life while qualifying the Medicaid spouse for assistance so that the couple’s assets won’t be depleted.

The Risky Medicaid Divorce

There are huge risks involved in divorce planning for taxes and Medicaid issues. First, there is the impact on your relationship. There is no fake divorce. Once the court signs the final judgment of divorce, you are divorced.

Florida, like all no-fault states, have minimum requirements for getting a divorce. In Florida, for instance, we require that at a minimum your marriage be irretrievably broken before you can get a divorce.

Be aware that the divorce itself could have an impact on other benefits that you or an individual spouse may already be receiving or expect to receive in the future.

Divorce can impact the amount of supplemental security income, Social Security retirement benefits and survivor’s benefits and veteran’s benefits.

Before you even consider a Medicaid Divorce, if you are dealing with a sick spouse, know that there are many planning strategies to help spouses get their loved ones onto Medicaid that do not include divorce.

Susan recalls listening to a doctor tell her parents when she was 15 that she’d never marry or give them grandchildren. She knows that her partner’s income and assets mean she could lose Medicaid and SSI, but her health had felt manageable back then. Cancer, however, changed the equation,

The Ozy article is here.

 

Dividing the Iron Throne: Divorce and Streaming Services

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

With the start of the final season of Game of Thrones, everyone wants to “borrow” passwords to HBO. Who will take the Iron Throne is almost as tough a question as how a divorce court handles streaming services like HBO, Netflix, Hulu and others.

Game of Groans

As the Wall Street Journal recently reported, when Aimee Custis and Kian McKellar broke up after four years, the couple divvied up their books, photography equipment and cookware.

Left undivided was their Netflix, Hulu and Pandora accounts. They didn’t discuss separating the subscriptions when one of them moved out of their shared Washington, D.C., apartment. They just continued paying their respective bills—hers, Hulu, and his, Netflix and Pandora.

Two-and-a-half years later, they still share those services. In the so-called sharing economy, even when love is no longer mutual, bills for entertainment and communication often are.

Streaming music and video services that permit multiple users, plus the proliferation of family cellphone plans in recent years that are cheaper than individual accounts, have created ties that bind long after a breakup or even divorce.

Florida Divorce and Streaming Services

I’ve written about property division before. Property division, or equitable distribution as it is called in Florida, is governed by statute and case law.

Generally, courts set apart to each spouse their non-marital assets and debts, and then distribute the marital assets and debts between the parties.

Marital assets and liabilities include, in part, assets acquired and liabilities incurred during the marriage, individually by either spouse or jointly by them.

Streaming services, such as HBO, Netflix and Hulu however are not marital assets per se. They are merely expenses, much like your cell phone plan. Cell phone plans typically require a contract for two years and you can face fees if you break your contract early.

There are not many options: break the plan and pay the fees and penalty or coming to an agreement with your spouse about who pays for what during the remainder of the contract.

No Battle for Winterfell?

Do you have to leave your Netflix and HBO access with your soon to be ex? No always. Interestingly, not everyone going through divorce and separation get dropped from the account.

Sometimes people do not realize that their password is shared and their spouse is still watching. But other times people purposefully keep their spouse or ex on the account because sentimentality intrudes.

A consultant in his 30s says he was puzzled by his parents’ decision to pay for his brother’s ex-girlfriend’s cellphone plan long after their breakup. The $30-per-month cost was minimal, they told him, and their memories of her were fond.

The Wall Street Journal article is here (subscription required).

Divorce Court Circus

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

America’s Mayor, Rudy Giuliani, was reportedly yelling and cursing his way through his recent divorce court hearing in New York. The judge blasted both the ex-Mayor and his wife, Judith Nathan, for turning the room into a divorce court circus.

Divorce Court Circus

Big Apple Circus

According to news reports, Giuliani snapped “Goddamnit!” at one point when accused by a lawyer for Nathan of failing to pay a $21,000 in nursing home bill arrears for her mother, as promised.

“That’s total bulls–t! That’s total bulls–t!” he hissed at another point, when the opposing lawyer, Bernard Clair, later suggested that Giuliani’s reported mistress, Maria Ryan, could be the one to grant appraisers access to multiple Florida properties they’re fighting over.

How do you avoid turning your trial into a divorce court circus?

Florida Divorce

If criminal court judges see the worst people acting their best, family judges see the best people acting their worst. Divorces are stressful, and issues like child custody, relocation, and domestic violence can take their toll on people.

I’ve written about courtroom behavior before. Since you’re always being evaluated in court, and in light of the Giuliani divorce antics, what follows is a list of “dos” and “don’ts” to avoid your own divorce court circus. (These are true stories by the way.)

  • Don’t – Come to a custody hearing wearing your Nazi uniform – complete with swastika patch on the arm and leather boots – and demand a family court judge let you see your son.
  • Do – Dress in a neat and professional manner.
  • Don’t – Speak on your cellular telephone because judges hate ringing cell phones. Judges hate ringing phone during your testimony.
  • Do – Keep your cell phone ringer off, and if you absolutely need to have your phone on, put it on vibrate.
  • Don’t – Take off your pants and show the judge your rear end.
  • Do – Keep your pants on.
  • Don’t – lose your temper in court, give the middle finger salute, dare the judge to hold you in contempt while holding your arms out as if you are being handcuffed and then contact the judge’s judicial assistant, and call her: “You little mother******; you and the judge, that mother****** son of a b****.”
  • Do – Be Courteous to the Court staff. Court personnel make the courts run efficiently, and angering court officers won’t help your case.

Sadly, these are cases of what people have actually done in court, and all of these instances are documented. Consider the seriousness of the divorce process and the stress family everyone is under to do the right thing.

A New York State of Mind

Acting as the divorce court circus master, Supreme Court Justice Michael Katz chided:

“Mr. Giuliani!” “Don’t interrupt the proceeding. You have lawyers representing you”.

The Giulianis don’t get along well together. For example, he alleges that Nathan approached him at the Emerald Dunes Golf Club in Florida and took his photograph. Nathan’s side said it never happened and that Giuliani shouted at her and insisted he was at the club buying items for his girlfriend’s daughter.

The judge reluctantly stepped in to play peacemaker.

“Whoever is in the room first gets to stay in the room. If Mr. Giuliani is in one room in one of their common clubs, he can go to a different room and visa versa.”

Earlier, the judge scolded at the parties and lawyers:

“At this juncture in a case — it’s been almost a year since filings — the process calms down. Yet it’s still a circus.”

Asked outside court what was holding up the divorce, Giuliani said, “Her.”

The New York Daily News article is available here.

 

New American Divorce Statistics

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

When a couple gets married, they expect it to last forever. Yet a study recently published has some new American divorce statistics that has made some interesting findings. For instance, every state has at least one city in which the divorced population exceeds the U.S. average.

divorce statistics

The reasons we divorce

Couples get divorced any number of reasons. But, there are several relatively common causes. A study published in the journal Couple Family Psychology found the following

lack of commitment was the most often cited reasons for divorce, listed by 75% of individual participants.

This was followed by infidelity at 59.6%, too much arguing at 57.73%, and marrying too young at 45.1% as the most common causes of divorce. Money problems, substance abuse and domestic violence were also cited as common reasons for divorce.

Florida Divorce

This is not the first study done about which state has the highest divorce rates, or which jobs are the most likely to divorce. I’ve written about the reasons for divorce before.

From a legal perspective, the reasons for the divorce are not always relevant. Florida is a no-fault state. No-fault laws are the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court.

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. Gone are the days when you had to prove adultery, desertion or unreasonable behavior.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Divorce by the Numbers

Divorces happen all across the country, but the percentage of the population that is divorced can vary from city to city. In some places, more than 20% of residents 15 and older are divorced.

Every state has at least one city in which the share of the population that is divorced exceeds the U.S. divorce percentage.

In one state’s capital, just 13.3% of people 15 and over are divorced. Yet in another of the state’s cities, the divorce rate is more than double: 26.8%.

Those struggling with money are more likely to split up, while people in difficult relationships may be more reluctant to leave if they have a level of financial security that could be jeopardized by a divorce.

Some of the highest divorce population percentages included:

Arkansas: Newport
• Divorced population: 24.1 percent
• Married population: 28.7 percent
• Never married: 32.9 percent
• Median household income: $28,872

Indiana: Rochester
• Divorced population: 24.3 percent
• Married population: 42.1 percent
• Never married: 24.8 percent
• Median household income: $40,451

Colorado: Aspen
• Divorced population: 22.9 percent
• Married population: 31.4 percent
• Never married: 43.3 percent
• Median household income: $64,594

Florida: Southgate
• Divorced population: 22.3 percent
• Married population: 43.8 percent
• Never married: 24.5 percent
• Median household income: $48,508

New Mexico: Truth or Consequences
• Divorced population: 26.8 percent
• Married population: 37.9 percent
• Never married: 23.7 percent
• Median household income: $27,350

Some of the lowest are:

Hawaii: Hawaiian Paradise Park
• Divorced population: 16.9 percent
• Married population: 48.2 percent
• Never married: 26.4 percent
• Median household income: $51,908

Idaho: Sandpoint
• Divorced population: 17.8 percent
• Married population: 46.4 percent
• Never married: 24.7 percent
• Median household income: $36,706

Iowa: Knoxville
• Divorced population: 16.5 percent
• Married population: 46.7 percent
• Never married: 26.5 percent
• Median household income: $43,986

Nebraska: Ralston
• Divorced population: 16.1 percent
• Married population: 45.8 percent
• Never married: 29.7 percent
• Median household income: $55,837

North Dakota: Devils Lake
• Divorced population: 13.3 percent
• Married population: 40.2 percent
• Never married: 37.1 percent
• Median household income: $43,791

The Coloradoan article is here.

 

 

Communicating During Divorce

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

The divorce between Jersey Shore star, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, and her husband, Roger Mathews, is getting uglier. Communicating during divorce, especially when you have children, is never easy. Are there lessons to learn from South Jersey?

communicating during divorce

Communicating ‘down the shore’

The Jersey Shore actress released a long statement on her website, accusing her ex of physical abuse and allegedly putting their two young children in harm’s way.

In a video message released the following day, Mathews said her “rant” was “highly erroneous” and “had many lies in it” and then he posted copies of legal documents he says his attorneys sent to the divorce judge.

Mathews posted a lengthy written message on his website:

You painted me as a woman beater. The facts are these. No one, man or woman, husband or wife has the right to put their hands on each other. I take responsibility for that night in question, and one other night that I can think of that, I pushed you. You edited out your actions and violent behavior prior to me pushing you which I knew you would do.

Not to be outdone, JWoww’s team then said in a statement that the accusations he makes in the documents are “laced with false statements.”

Florida No-Fault Divorce

I’ve written about communicating during divorce before, and the “good divorce” too. Historically in Florida, in order to obtain a divorce, one had to prove the existence of legal grounds such as adultery.

This often-required additional expenses on behalf of the aggrieved party, only serving to make the divorce process more expensive and cumbersome than it already was.

Florida Statutes actually still provide that these things may be considered under certain circumstances in the award of alimony, equitable distribution of marital assets and liabilities, and determination of parental responsibility.

However, case authority shows little consideration from a legal perspective, relegating them to more of an emotional appeal. But just because Florida does not require a showing of fault does not mean you should go out and create fault either!

In the years leading up to the enactment of “no-fault” divorce, courts often granted divorces on bases that were easier to prove, the most common being “mental cruelty.”

In Florida, either spouse can file for the dissolution of marriage. You must prove that a marriage exists, one party has been a Florida resident for six months before filing the petition, and the marriage is irretrievably broken.

Fist Pump!

For Jersey Shore cast members, whose way of life was “GTL” (gym, tan, laundry) communicating during divorce is not the time to pull punches. But should they be making these online admissions?

We look like a–holes to the world. We are. We are both a–holes.

Mathews also added:

You claim in your rant that I put our children in harm’s way by filming myself and driving. I was doing 20 miles an hour leaving my buddy’s development, but I will concede that that was not well thought out and I will absolutely refrain from doing that in the future. It’s hypocritical of you however cause you are on the phone constantly while driving and doing your makeup and texting.

Communicating during divorce can be ugly and spiral out of control. Many would be surprised to learn divorce lawyers and judges are not spoiling to see a good fight.

The E Online article is here.

 

How to Discuss Divorce?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

Forget about complex divorce legal issues, the talk about who gets what, and where you’ll live. This post answers a tougher question: how do you tell your spouse you want a divorce?

Discussing Divorce

‘We have to talk’

You’ve no doubt seen it in the movies when it’s shouted out in an argument: “I want a divorce!” But is there a right way to discuss divorce and to let your spouse know your feelings about them?

To say that telling your partner you want to discuss divorce is delicate is an understatement. It is an enormous decision, one that, when raised, will alter both of your lives forever.

Unless you want a big legal battle, or want to treat each other uncivilly forever, it’s in everyone’s interest to learn how to tell your spouse it’s over. So how do you deliver such life-altering news?

Timing is Everything

First, you want to choose a time to discuss divorce when your partner is emotionally ready. Avoid those times when they’re already stressed or emotional.

This is the sort of discussion in which it pays to be patient and remember that the announcement can wait until a moment when its impact will be the least damaging.

Florida Divorce

I’ve written about grounds for divorce before. Florida is a no-fault state, meaning you no longer have to prove someone was at fault for ending the marriage. This takes a lot of pressure off of the conversation about divorce.

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Knowing that in Florida no one has to be found at fault in order to file a petition for dissolution of marriage should help you and your spouse when you discuss divorce.

Location, location, location

Ideally, you want to discuss divorce in a private, quiet space. Avoid crowded restaurants, shopping malls, or even at home if the kids are in the next room or you have family and friends over.

Avoid phrases like, “You should have,” “You don’t,” or “You didn’t.” You also need to be honest about what you’re feeling and why you believe this decision is the right one.

If you’re in couple’s therapy, the therapist’s office might be a good location. The therapist can help create healthy boundaries moving forward which can prove invaluable when the going gets tough.

Avoid the Specifics

When you discuss divorce for the first time, there is no reason to get into specifics of how the divorce will work. You can leave out the parenting plan, or any other specifics. The emotional toll of discussing a divorce is tough enough, talking about the petty details of the process could be overwhelming.

If your partner is going to be surprised about the divorce and is going to be hearing about it for the first time, don’t talk about dividing the IRA, who should have the kids for summer, or the details of your new apartment.

You want to give the person time to digest the concept, show emotion, and ask questions. Don’t make it worse by blaming the other spouse for their shortcomings.

Even if a divorce is more one-sided, chances are that neither party in the marriage is particularly thrilled about the way things have been going. With this in mind, it’s wise to open the conversation by laying the cards on the table.

The Fatherly article is here.

 

Divorce Dress Code?

Posted by Ron Kauffman on

There are a lot of curious family laws around the world, but a divorce dress code? One of the most peculiar laws comes from the African nation of Ghana, where divorce is permitted on one condition: the parties attend divorce court dressed the way they dressed at their wedding ceremony.

Divorce Dress Code

This is your Ghanaian Divorce

According to viral news reports – from such trusted sources as the internet – citizens of Ghana are allowed to divorce but only if they attend court dressed the same way they dressed at their wedding; with wedding gowns and tuxedos.

This condition creates very humorous situations in the so-called “Divorce Rooms”, where Ghanaians must go if they want to end their marriage.

In other African countries like in Togo, to be able to divorce, first you must go to your mother-in-law and explain your reasons for divorce in the hope you can receive her approval. Togo today may have a 0% divorce rate.

Florida Divorce

The official term for divorce in Florida is “dissolution of marriage”, you don’t need to show fault, and you definitely don’t have to wear your wedding gown.

Instead, you need to prove you have been a resident of the State of Florida for more than six months before filing your petition and be able to state under oath that your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

Additionally, mental incapacity is grounds for divorce in Florida, but a court must determine one of the spouses to be incompetent after an examination by a committee. If there is a declaration of mental incapacity, there is a three-year waiting period.

While there are no dress codes in Florida, I’ve written about how you should dress in court before. For example, and as one couple painfully learned, don’t come to a custody hearing wearing your Nazi uniform. You should instead dress in a neat and professional manner.

Meanwhile in Nigeria…

Sure, the Ghana divorce dress code story is fake news. But the idea of dressing appropriately for court is a universal concept. It shows respect for yourself, your children, the court, and the people who labor in it.

In other news, it appears a Nigerian man really did marry his guitar in a ceremony in Lagos. Harris Best shared photos of himself and his guitar – which he dressed in a white wedding gown – on his Twitter account. He took other musical instruments to the wedding venue at Aguda Local Council Development Area in Lagos.

The PM News article from Nigeria is here.