Tag: divorce and annulment

Divorce Planning During the Coronavirus and Some Good News

We have been experiencing a surge in divorce inquiries. Just about everyone has been ordered into quarantine, and living in such close proximity is taking a toll on some marriages and relationships. But there’s another reason: simple divorce planning. Also, for fans of ‘The Office’, Jim has “Some Good News” for us during the coronavirus.

Divorce Planning Coronavirus

Divorce Planning and Market Timing

For many, the divorce inquiries are taking place while the market has dropped and people are losing their jobs. If that sounds counter-intuitive, consider this: when you divorce and your assets are worth less and your debts are up, you may pay less, so now may be a great time to divorce . . . if that was your plan.

This opportunity to divorce is particularly attractive to those whose divorce was a matter of timing. Now may be a great opportunity to finalize a settlement agreement if businesses or shares of stock can be managed back to their former value after the crisis passes.

For others, the concern is about settlement terms they agreed to before the downturn and their ability to afford the settlement terms when they have less pay. Clients are viewing the current financial crisis as an opportunity to negotiate an advantageous divorce settlement.

In only days, we have increased calls from anxious and stressed clients who are confined to living in quarantine with their soon-to-be Ex and children who they have to home school.

Shelter in place orders are putting a huge strain on relationships, particularly if there was already tension and issues between couples. This is only being heightened by the financial impact of restrictions on people’s businesses and incomes and the uncertainty they face as a result.

Florida Divorce Planning during the Coronavirus

I have written about the phenomenon of divorce planning, and especially divorce filings at the beginning of the year, many times before.

The first few months of the year are known for divorce filings, January is even nicknamed the “Divorce Month” in Florida. Researchers recently did an analysis of American divorce filings and found that there is a spike in divorces in January.

The spike in divorce filings is followed by a peak in late March. What’s happening at the beginning of the new year that causes people to both marry and divorce?

According to some reports the beginning of the year and the holiday season are often a tricky time for couples whose relationships have been under pressure for a while.

Add in the intense time spent together, financial pressure, extended family critiques and unrealistic expectations (nothing worse than happy people’s Facebook posts) – and it can spell disaster for some relationships.

Planning Ahead for Divorce during the Coronavirus

For many couples, government shelter-in-place orders have thrown them into a completely different way of living, changing the dynamics of their relationship entirely, and introducing a whole new set of complications and concerns.

While some may find that working through the uncertainty brings them closer together, others are not as lucky, and have been forced to face underlying issues that may have been bubbling under the surface.

You should consider consulting a board certified marital and family lawyer to consider your options and discuss what to do while you’re in quarantine and once the crisis passes.

The vast majority of people inquiring are people who were already on the fence and thinking of filing for divorce, and now the harsh reality of being at home with their partners has pushed them to breaking point.

For those that were planning to leave, but now can’t, this is an extremely challenging time. There are also those who agreed to separate but haven’t yet done so or filed for divorce. Worse still, being locked down together is causing a lot of strain and pressure.

Some have stayed married due to the financial loss they would suffer if they broke up the family, but are seeing the financial crisis as their long-awaited opportunity to leave and take advantage of the dip in wealth for a divorce settlement,’ she explained.

Coronavirus: Some Good News

Fans of ‘The Office’ will be please that there is some good news to report from Jim. So, I’ll let actor John Krasinski talk about some good news on his home-made channel SGN.

His video is here, and includes an interview with Steve Carell to mark the 15th anniversary of ‘The Office.’

 

Divorce and Adultery May No Longer be a Thing and Good Coronavirus News

Is the coronavirus, SARS-2, SARS-CoV, Covid19 to blame? No one is sure, but British reports are showing far fewer married couples are listing “adultery” as grounds for divorce, according to new figures recently published in Britain.

Adultery Divorce Drop

Divorce Without Fault

The Sunday Times reported that the rate has dropped by more than half in a decade. According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), it was used for 9,205 divorces in 2018, compared to 20,765 in 2008 and 36,310 in 1998.

A desire to avoid blaming the other person in a doomed marriage comes as a “no fault” divorce bill makes its way through parliament. Speaking to the paper, Sir Paul Coleridge – chairman of the Marriage Foundation – said:

“I think people are more grown up than they used to be and realize that a single act of adultery does not tell you very much about the cause of the break-up of a marriage. It may be a symptom of the problem, but my experience is that it isn’t the cause. The cause is the broken relationship, and the adultery arises out of it.”

According to the ONS, the most common grounds for divorce – used in half of all cases, compared to one in ten for adultery – is unreasonable behavior.

It comes as it was revealed that suspicious partners can order DNA ‘infidelity’ tests online to prove whether their other halves have really strayed.

The ‘evidence’ – such as underwear, bedding, condoms, cigarette butts, strands of hair or chewing gum – is sent off to a lab for analysis

The Sunday Times previously reported that one UK-based company is offering a £90 “semen detection test”, a £299 “gender” test to check if the sample is from a man or a woman, or a £500 comparison test to differentiate between their own sample and a “suspicious” one.

They also found a £60 “sperm detection kit” sold online – containing a solution that turns samples purple if semen is present – which is being sold as a way to catch a “cheating spouse”.

Florida No Fault Divorce

I’ve written about no fault divorce before. No-fault laws are the result of trying to change the way divorces played out in court. In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. Gone are the days when you had to prove adultery, desertion or unreasonable behavior as in England.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Adultery can be the cause of a divorce, but can it impact the outcome? Since Florida became a no-fault state, the fact that, “she (or he) is sleeping with a co-worker” doesn’t hold much traction in court any more.

When is adultery relevant in divorce in Florida? Although we are a no-fault state, there is still a statutory basis for infidelity to be an issue in your divorce proceedings, but not as a reason for divorce.

Some people think no fault divorce is one of the main reasons for a high divorce rate. Despite the recent legislative moves in the UK, there is a movement here to return to the old “fault” system to promote families.

Good News and the Coronavirus

  • Did you know that “2019-nCOV” was the initial name given for the virus?

But the name was hard to remember and was misleading, because it gave the misimpression that the virus was novel. It’s not. In fact, it’s the least novel of the respiratory disease-causing viruses. It’s defining feature is its NON-novelty!

  • Do you know how to kill the coronavirus?

Since it is an enveloped virus, it’s killed by soap/detergents, ethanol, Windex (which contains detergents), and bleach.

  • Do you know how long the coronavirus lasts on surfaces?

On steel and plastic, 10-fold drop in ~12 hours; On cardboard, about 1 hour; On a napkin, the survival should be like on cardboard or maybe lower, and the virus will get trapped by the paper fibers. That said, don’t wipe your mouth with a napkin that someone just handed you.

  • Does “social distancing” have any effects?

The R0 rate (“R zero rate”) refers to how contagious an infectious disease is. Preemptive hygiene enhancement and social distancing help reduce the average frequency and intensity of exposure to the virus, might reduce infection risk, reduce the average viral infectious dose of those exposed, and result in less severe cases who are less infectious.

  • Is there a cure for the Covid-19 disease?

Right now people are working on it. But thanks to earlier research, we may already have drugs with activity against it. For example, Remdesivir (Gilead) seems to work against SARS-CoV-2 in cells.

The Times article on adultery and divorce is here.

 

Will the Philippines Legalize Divorce

We sometimes take it for granted that a toxic marriage, which can destroy your life and the lives of your children, can be amicably resolved here. That’s not true everywhere. There’s a new bill to legalize divorce in the Philippines — the only remaining state aside from Vatican City that has no divorce law.

Legalize Divorce

‘Thrilla’ in Manila

Many in the Philippines have been advocating for the passage of a divorce bill.

“Divorce is not a monster that will destroy marriages and wreck marital relationships. Let us be clear about this — the monsters that lead to the demise of a marriage are infidelity, abuse, financial problems, lack of intimacy and communication, and inequality.”

Despite this development, religious groups, pro-family advocates who were present in the hearing, and even fellow lawmakers expressed their disapproval of the measure.

Florida Divorce

I’ve written about attempts to criminalize divorce before. Divorce, of course, is legal in the United States. However, traditionally it was made difficult by having to prove “fault.” This required spouses to prove either adultery; abandonment for a certain length of time; prison confinement; a spouse is physically unable to have sexual intercourse; or that the other spouse has inflicted emotional or physical pain (cruelty).

Florida abolished fault as grounds for filing a divorce. The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.”

After divorce became legal, the concept of proving fault gave way to no-fault laws to change the way divorces played out in court. No fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom. “Reduced” the need, not eliminated the need.

Dragged into the 21st Century

A Philippine church official has expressed surprise over the speedy acceptance of the bill in that would legalize divorce.

“I was surprised at the speed at which the committee accepted the bill. I was expecting exhaustive deliberations and discussions would be conducted on the measure.”

Bishop Arturo Bastes of Sorsogon described the acceptance of the proposed measure as alarming. Earlier, the Catholic Council of the Laity of the Philippines issued a statement expressing opposition to the divorce bill.

The group said the Catechism of the Catholic Church clearly provides that divorce is “immoral” because it introduces disorder into the family and into society.

The CNN article is here.

 

How to Discuss Divorce?

Forget about complex divorce legal issues, the talk about who gets what, and where you’ll live. This post answers a tougher question: how do you tell your spouse you want a divorce?

Discussing Divorce

‘We have to talk’

You’ve no doubt seen it in the movies when it’s shouted out in an argument: “I want a divorce!” But is there a right way to discuss divorce and to let your spouse know your feelings about them?

To say that telling your partner you want to discuss divorce is delicate is an understatement. It is an enormous decision, one that, when raised, will alter both of your lives forever.

Unless you want a big legal battle, or want to treat each other uncivilly forever, it’s in everyone’s interest to learn how to tell your spouse it’s over. So how do you deliver such life-altering news?

Timing is Everything

First, you want to choose a time to discuss divorce when your partner is emotionally ready. Avoid those times when they’re already stressed or emotional.

This is the sort of discussion in which it pays to be patient and remember that the announcement can wait until a moment when its impact will be the least damaging.

Florida Divorce

I’ve written about grounds for divorce before. Florida is a no-fault state, meaning you no longer have to prove someone was at fault for ending the marriage. This takes a lot of pressure off of the conversation about divorce.

In Florida no fault laws have reduced the number of feuding couples who felt the need to resort to distorted facts, lies, and the need to focus the trial on who did what to whom.

The only ground you need to file for divorce in Florida is to prove your marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Additionally, the mental incapacity of one of the parties, where the party was adjudged incapacitated for the prior three year, is another avenue.

Knowing that in Florida no one has to be found at fault in order to file a petition for dissolution of marriage should help you and your spouse when you discuss divorce.

Location, location, location

Ideally, you want to discuss divorce in a private, quiet space. Avoid crowded restaurants, shopping malls, or even at home if the kids are in the next room or you have family and friends over.

Avoid phrases like, “You should have,” “You don’t,” or “You didn’t.” You also need to be honest about what you’re feeling and why you believe this decision is the right one.

If you’re in couple’s therapy, the therapist’s office might be a good location. The therapist can help create healthy boundaries moving forward which can prove invaluable when the going gets tough.

Avoid the Specifics

When you discuss divorce for the first time, there is no reason to get into specifics of how the divorce will work. You can leave out the parenting plan, or any other specifics. The emotional toll of discussing a divorce is tough enough, talking about the petty details of the process could be overwhelming.

If your partner is going to be surprised about the divorce and is going to be hearing about it for the first time, don’t talk about dividing the IRA, who should have the kids for summer, or the details of your new apartment.

You want to give the person time to digest the concept, show emotion, and ask questions. Don’t make it worse by blaming the other spouse for their shortcomings.

Even if a divorce is more one-sided, chances are that neither party in the marriage is particularly thrilled about the way things have been going. With this in mind, it’s wise to open the conversation by laying the cards on the table.

The Fatherly article is here.